What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers.

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No Mom! No! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!

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A man opens his refrigerator and takes out a can of soda. He returns back to his living area and continues watching television.

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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boobs

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because Se7en was a scary movie!

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Did you hear about the man who fell out of an aeroplane at 2000 feet? He was taking part in a charity skydive to raise money for his dying brother, a chronic sufferer of cystic fibrosis.

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Moves Like AJgger- Marron 5

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The man who killed hitler must have ben a swell dude a.w. j.p.

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The dog buried it's bone. The next day it unburied it, and chewed on it until it was wrecked.

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If life gives you melons ... You might be dyslexic

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whats funnier than a penguin playing a banjo? i don't know because I've never seen one and probably never will because it is a highly improbable event.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they get into the Batmobile? -Come on Robin, get into the Batmobile!

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Why did Jordan miss the bus? The bus didn't miss hitting him.

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How do you kill a blond? You don't. If you do, you'll get reported to the cops and sent to jail.

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What do you call a black man running down the street? A promising athlete in training.

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Whats the worst part about being fat. Your fat.

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Why couldn't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he has no arms or legs. Why doesn't he have any arms or legs? Because he is a potato.

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What did a tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

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whats first than finding a worm in your apple? a blonde who asks you why there is a worm in your apple

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, shes already been told twice

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A homeless man comes home from work.

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roses are red violets are blue your baby has down syndrome

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Jews...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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