Knock Knock Who's there? Father Dougal Mcguire

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Q: What do a dildo salesman and a car salesman have in common? A: They are both salesman

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Why was Jenny walking home alone from school? Because three years ago her parents were murdered brutally by a drug dealer and social services haven't yet realised that Jenny is still living in the empty house.

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What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

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Q: What did the first kid say to the second kid before he handed him a pencil? A: May I have a pencil?

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A dog walks into a bar, looks at the bartender, lifts its leg and pisses on a bar stool. What does the bartender do ? He chases the dog out the bar and gets a mop to mop up the piss.

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The Colts this year.

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Whats the difference between a circle and a peace sign? Three lines!

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Lol, listen, the suggestion lies in the "not not", you are using not twice in your mind, which under trance makes it so your subconcious registers that you are using a double negative while you consciously do not. Look back at the messages and register consciously that you and I have been using "not not" twice during the past messages, when the net shuts down here, you reinforce the "I will totally notnot, tell him" so the suggestion just gets stronger.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? A n a l

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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why is billy g is really supid because he gets bad grades

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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roses are grey, violets are grey, i dont have any cones, just rods.

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What did the tree say to himself? Gee-oma-tree( get it geometry say it outloud)

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Your Mama is so old, that she is probrably going to die pretty soon.

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How many women are in the world? a little over 3.2 billion because statistics show that there are roughly 51-52% females in the whole population of humans

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What is big, green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree and hit you in the head, it will probably kill you? A pool table.

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Why did the woman keep getting sexually harassed while calling for her lost dog? Her dog is named "Ilovedicks."

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What's black and white and red all over. An interracial suicide pact.

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live or die you decide to late time to die

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Your mother is so fat.... I am happy to see her join our exercise group.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? -I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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How many blondes does it take to dye their own hair black and act in an intelligent, sensible manner?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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