what's faster than an asian on a bicylce on payday? many things

thumb_up thumb_down -52

What did the hat say to the other hat? Nothing, because hats don't talk, stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

In my opinion I am superior to you all in every single way,an opinion you might disagree with, but can respect. While on the other hand, I have no reason to respect and even less agree with your inferior opinions at all.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Why are old people such terrible drivers? As we age, our eyesight slowly deteriorates and our reflexes become slower. So, in order to be cautious, the elderly avoid high speed chases and such to maintain their and others safety. Or they could have alzheimers and not realize they are in a moving vehicle at all, it's really a tossup

thumb_up thumb_down -58

A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Probably just one.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

What's Worse Than Unripened Fruit? Crippling Depression.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? The pilot and three passengers died.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

So two clowns walk into a bar... . . . . . . . . . . They died

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Why did the baby fall out the window? Because the parents left the window open by the crib.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What starts with 'P' and ends with 'orn'? Popcorn.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did the college student say after he failed his test? He didn't say anything, he was a mute.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why was the child lying in the scrap yard? because he was being torn apart by guard dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Roses are red, Violets are blue, i got 5 Fingers, the middle ones for you ?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What drink is dark yellow and freshly squeezed from one of the most healthy snacks? Piss.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why couldn't the Asian drive? He was blind

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did the old man order the little girl into the car? Because he was her grandfather.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why did the groom have cold feet? Because he was insecure in his relationship with his soon to be wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

I like pancakes. I like pancakes. We have no pancakes

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops