What's the difference between Tiger Woods and a rock? The rock doesn't cheat on it's wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the cop say to the man arrested for speeding? You were going over the speed limit sir, I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a turtle? A bunch of nosy ass people wondering wtf you're doing.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Yo mamma is so skinny, she has developed anorexia, a serious eating disorder, which not only affects her, but also the ones that she loves and cares about.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Did you hear about the man who swam to the bottom of the ocean? He drowned

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why couldn't the duck fly? It died.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's black and white and red all over? A dead penguin.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being stabbed.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you get when you cross a lamb and a pigeon? You get your house taken away.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worse than being raped? Being raped twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Student: This guy is bothering me! Teacher: And you expect me to do something about it?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you get when you cross professor plum with a candle stick in the library? A dead prostitute. Try and be more careful next time.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend "I know. You need to quit gnawing when you're giving me a blow job."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do 69 and 420 have in common? That was my score on my Math final:(

thumb_up thumb_down +12

So yesterday I went to find a pair of camo pants, And I did

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Is this the krusty Crab? No you idiot this is a phone!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle? A: Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for any human. Actually a perfect circle doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the baby say to it's mother as it was being thrown in the trash bin? Nothing, it couldn't talk yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

how do you make my dad say oww? throw a baseball bat at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A guy walks into a bar, has a drink then leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

"Solids tunderf" he said, while chewing his gum.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

guys stop with the jewish jokes anne frainkly its getting old

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I like colin but not as much as apple

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops