An old man walks into a bar. He drinks 3 beers and dies. The bartender calls paramedics but when the police came they arrested the bartender for beating his wife. A few hours later an earthquake destroys the bar and everyone was evacuated and many were injured. The manager was driving to the scene but has a car accident with the ambulance. It was such a bad day.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How do you help a chronic drug addict? Buy him or her more drugs. They NEED it.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A young boy is concerned about the well- being of his father, due to the fact he may have cancer. Turns out, he doesn't. So they got ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Justin's life

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock. Who's there? Dementia.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

(To the pretty girl at the bar) "Was your father a thief? Because I really would like to have sexual intercourse with you."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the old man cross the road? Coz he was in an ambulance

thumb_up thumb_down +23

-Knock knock -Use the doorbell -Oh... ding dong -Who is it? -Me -Oh -Yeah -Cool -Come in -Okay -Take off your shoes -Alright -How are you? -Good -That's good -Yeah -Okay -K -Oh -Bye -See ya

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Whats Pink and fluffy? Yellow fluff thats been dyed pink :D

thumb_up thumb_down +23

See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A frog and a toad eat a pie and then realize it is weird and then die.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A brunette, redhead, and blond were on a road trip. Their car broke down in the middle of the desert. The redhead offered to get help down the road, but never returned. The blond and brunette walked the direction the redhead went, but died four days later of heat exhaustion.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A little boy was walking down the street when a strange looking van stopped next to him and the man driving asked the little boy where he lived, where his mother was, and if he wanted a puppy because he had some in the back seat.... The boy proceeded to enter the van. The man then handed the child a puppy and promptly drove the boy home.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock Knock. Who's There? Look through your peephole, you lazy bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What is worse than the holocaust paying taxes

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Parkinsons, ;oshgfs;jgbRHG

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the black boy get for Christmas? A bike his parents bought him.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q.What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, no head, and no blood in his body? A.Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the chicken cross the road? To try and get hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the chicken cross the road? Against city ordinates, an old woman was keeping chickens in her suburban back yard. One escaped, and there was no where else to go.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops