How many kids does it take to get a day off of school? ...26

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Q: How do you make a clown frown? A: Hit it with an ax.

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A Horse walks into a Bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The Horse had cancer.

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How do you kill a zombie? You don't. Zombies aren't real.

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I`m not as random as you think i`m salad.

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what would george washington do if he was alive today? he would scream and scratch his coffiin

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who killed more poeple than jeffory dommer, john wayne gayce, and ted buny combined cancer

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How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

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what did jake say to the priest? hmmm, salty

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Roses are red violets are blue, he is for me and not for you, he's too ugly you can have him

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What starts with an 's' and ends with a 'hit'? Shortly after the war, 4 men went to celebrate at the local bar. They all had a grand time there, when a man in black walked into the bar. The man in black knocks once on the bar. "What do you want?" asked the bartender. The man in black didn't respond. This time, the bartender asked again, only louder. The man in black then turned to his right to face the 4 other men celebrating. The man in black then suddenly pulled out a pistol, and shot the 4th man. He then burst into a sprint and ran out of the bar. "He's hit," the 3rd man shouted, "he's hit!"

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So a ninja walks into a bar and he sees a cowboy and the ninja says i will kill you with my mad ninja skills and the cowboy says who needs mad ninja skills when you got a gun

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Ask me if I'm a tree I don't need to, because I know you're not a tree

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Where would you find 10 dead babies buried next to each other? In a cemetary.

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What kind of cheese isn't yours? Someone else's.

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Three men are sitting in a tub. One of them says "Toss me the soap." The second one says "Toss me the shampoo." The third one says "Toss me the toaster."

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Why can't helen keller drive? She never got her permit

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Whats black and blue and doesnt bruise? a bruise.

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Why did Julie fall off a swing? 'Cause she had no hands. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Julie, that's certain.

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Knock, Knock!! Who's there?! The Police!! Open the f*cking door and get down on your knees.

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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what's the difference between a black man and a bench? the bench is an inanimate object

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What did the black man in a white van get when he went over the speed limit? A speeding ticket

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the farmer procrastinated fixing the latch on the coop. Did his wife warn him this would happen? Yessss! Did he listen? Noooo!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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