my girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile, thats a big word for a 3 year old

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How many Chinese men people does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Anyone can screw in a light bulb, regardless of race or gender.

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What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals? A purple hippo with an infected scab yelling at the pain

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One night you tell your mom to make you a sandwich, the next day in school you ate a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch

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What do elephants have that no other animal has? Baby elephants.

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Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

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Why did the kids stop playing tag? Because the boy was "it" was kidnapped and never seen again

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Q: why did sally fall off the swing A: she had no arms A:knock knock Q:who is there A:not sally

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Your momma is so fat that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook her breasts for clocks

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Why isn't this joke funny Because i have cancer

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why is 5 afraid of 6? it isnt

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womans rights

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What's longer then Kim Kardashian's Wedding? 73 days.

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What did Abe Lincoln say before he gave the Gettysburg Address? No one knows, its not documented.

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What did the mother say to her baby? These little piggies taste good!

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Knock knock! Who's there? It's me, Allison. Oh, come in!

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Indeed.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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If life gives you melons.. You're just plain retarded.

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Why did the horse fall over? Because I shot it

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A black man, an Asian, a Jew, and an American all jump off a building. Unfortunately, they all died on impact and their families will mourn for years to come.

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3 blonds walk into a bar ouch

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Obama.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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