The other day I saw this dog. It said woof.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did Santa's little helper feel depressed? Neurotransmitters essential for happiness, such as serotonin and norepinephrine, were in rather low supply in the poor elf's brain.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why didn't Little Timmy's parrot talk? It's neck had snapped.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How are bananas and friends alike? If you peel their skin and eat them

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red, Violets are blue, This poem doesn't make sense. Refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A retarded man speaks jibberish, because he is retarded

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A zebra dies and goes to animal heaven. All the animals around him are trotting, flying, jumping, each according to its own species, in the kind of bliss that only eternity can bring. But the zebra is not impressed and mopes through heaven's green fields. A giraffe notices his languid stupor and asks, "Why so glum, pal?" The zebra mournfully replies, "All my life I've wondered if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes." The giraffe, hoping to get the zebra to some answers as quickly as possible, suggests, "Why not go as God?" The zebra, somewhat taken aback by the notion that God might give him an audience, replies, "Oh, I can do that?" The giraffe says, "Sure, I'll show you the way!" The giraffe leads the zebra to a great tabernacle of gold and points the way up a long stairway of diamond. The zebra follows the stairs up to two great ivory doors. But no matter what he tried, the zebra couldn't get the door open. The only animals that could open the door for him would be the primates because of their opposable digits, but the zebra wasn't much of a social animal, so he didn't have any friends. He spent eternity with no answer to his question.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

suck my balls mr.garison

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the guy crash his car? Because he didn't want to crash his truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you you know when you haven't slept in a while? You're tired.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a new born baby ? Whatever name you and your partner have agreed upon after months of sifting through baby names.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

When life gives you lemons, you realise that life isn't a physical object and therefore you have problems. Have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

press Ctrl and F4 on ur key pad

thumb_up thumb_down -12

An Indian child is born with three arms. After being ridiculed his whole life he kills himself at age 19.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the slut have white stuff on her mouth? Because she just ate ice-cream.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Patriarchy.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why didn't the black guy where a seat belt? I don't know but he should've because hes dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Whats the most common use of a butt plug after school? In the sport of pole vaultIng, the butt plug is the rubber end of the pole that is designed to withstand the force of being planted in a steel box.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was the Mexican socially inept. Because he hadn't recieved a good education

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jelly is a clear or translucent fruit spread made from sweetened fruit juice, and set using naturally occurring pectin. Jam contains both fruit juice and pieces of fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

If a tree falls on a woman and there's no one around to hear her scream why did a tree fall in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's round and bounces A basketball No!!!!!!! You dummy!!! Then what? Boobies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Bill:What do you get when you cross a panda and an eagle? Joe:I don't know what? Bill: Is that even possible?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops