An apple a day keeps a check next to the "I ate an apple today" box on my "what I did today" daily checklist.

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When the mom got home from work, she was very tired. Her 6 year old son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She said sure and made one. Her son was very pleased and ate all of it. He knew he had a great mom. I actually lied above. The mom was killed by three men in hoodies in her back yard. They came inside and also murdered to boy. Worst of all the killers stole all of her food including the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat. I guess it doesn't matter now since he is unable to eat anymore...

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Why was the human stronger than the dog? Because the dog had four legs and a mouth and a human has 2 legs, 2 arms, and is taller. Therefore, the human has more capabilites than the dog.

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Bob dole

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What does 2 + 2 equal? 4

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What's black, white, has green stripes and smells like eggs? I don't know. That's why I'm asking.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank? To make a deposit.

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A woman walks into a bar.

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Q. Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A. being physically disabled due to a preventable accident, thus leaving you incapable of doing activities that are easily completed by an able-bodied person

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Wanna hear an anti-joke?

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what did tyrone want for Christmas? A dad.

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Knock, knock Who's there? Not your dead Nan

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What happened to the black man when he was eating a Tootsie Roll? He ate the entire thing but was still hungry due to the empty calories.

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Why shouldn't you play poker in the woods? Due to the stereotypical lack of human population in such an area, it would be excruciatingly difficult to find a partner with which to play competitive card games. I suggest trying solitaire instead.

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But one McDonalds Happy Meal for the price of two, and receive another McDonalds Happy meal absolutley free!

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Roused are red violets are blue I just s*** in my own poo

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Why did the chicken cross the road? A man held him at gunpoint and threatened to kill his entire family.

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A man named Joe has practiced drawing cartoon characters his entire life. When Joe turns 15 he decides to enter a local drawing competeiton. Joe works very hard drawing his cartoon and finally finishes. When it is the time to hand in his drawing his drawing, he hands it in an receives a satisfying 2nd place and continues on with his life. Two years later Joe decides to enter another drawing competeiton (this one much more competitive) after his drawing skills have tremendously increased. He begins drawing and is 3/4 of the way finished when Joe is brutally murdered by a mentally disturbed man and cannot hand in his art work and is therefore disqualified from the competeiton and loses.

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What is big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater!

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What do you call a black guy and a mexican guy running down a hill? Two good friends enjoying the countryside together.

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What did the chemist say when his BBQ ran out of charcoal? Nothing interesting.

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Why didn't the gangster cross the road? Because he J-walked and was hit by a car.

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Why did the car cross the road? Green light

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Q: Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? A: A couple of pigs with questionable carpenter's skills, and maybe Red Riding Hood. Grandma wasn't so lucky.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops