What do you call a man with a spade in his head? An ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Sac

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A guy walks into a bar with a watermelon under his shirt. The bartender asks what is under his shirt. He says, a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's worse than dropping your ice cream? Getting a virus that slowly deteriorates your body from the inside out.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

This is a swimmer Joke. Chuck Norris once lapped a kid in the 50 free... LONG COURSE.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What is the difference between a mom and a dad? One is a mom and the other is a dad. Why couldn't Fred see the board? He had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do Ethiopians do for dinner? Starve.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Knock knock. Who's there? Pete. I'm here to tell you that your entire family just died in a car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A guy walks into a toilet store and there are 3 left 1is silver 1 is wood and 1 talks he took the one that talks. the next day he is shitting and he hears the toilet "do you see what i see

thumb_up thumb_down +26

why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What is yellow and has thick, shiny fur? A banana. I lied about the fur.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Penis

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Some people like melon and others like soup.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's rape when you shout surprise? The crime, committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with him, especially by the threat or use of violence.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why was the little boy upset? An arson set fire to his house, leaving him nowhere to live.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: whats better than having sex? A: nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red, Violets are blue, This doesnt rhyme, Microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why is Tom Garrick gay Answer- Because he is

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well, there is no way to accurately estimate this number being that 1.woodchucks in fact do not chuck wood and 2. there is no time frame given for said action to take place

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Knock Knock Who's there? Orange. Orange who? The orange that can talk and knock on doors.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

do want to hear a joke? Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you stop a bus? Press the brakes

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Where did Susie go during the bombing? EVERYWHERE

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops