Why did Santa's little helper feel depressed? Neurotransmitters essential for happiness, such as serotonin and norepinephrine, were in rather low supply in the poor elf's brain.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I like the way he thinks. Too bad he has alzheimers.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why is it impossible to travel faster than the speed of light? Because it travels pretty darn fast.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

--Knock Knock Who's there? --Banana Banana who? --Knock Knock You just said that --Sorry i have Alzheimer's

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why can't vegetarians eat mushrooms because I can't urinate over a scotch bonnet :/

thumb_up thumb_down -10

what does a man with no leg say to a woman with one eye? hello. by Mad James

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than stubbing your toe? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled.... And than he shove all the items up his ass

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I told you it would happen

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Wanna Hear a joke.... Corey Jacobs is a FAT ASS

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I was going to post some witty jokes, but then I realized they weren't funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the guy crash his car? Because he didn't want to crash his truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A tiger walks into a bar, the patrons ran out terrified.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you stop a charging rhinocerous? Nuke africa.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Two guys walk into a bar. One man walks out of the bar at a similiar time.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jelly is a clear or translucent fruit spread made from sweetened fruit juice, and set using naturally occurring pectin. Jam contains both fruit juice and pieces of fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's worse than the holocaust? I'm a zebra so what is the holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A son went to ask his father about his thoughts on abortion. "Dad, what do you think about abortion?" "Ask your sister." "I don't have a.."

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A man walks into a bar. He is genetically predisposed to alcoholism, and it's destroying his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Three men of different race and religion are on a plane; they enjoy their flight, and two of them have a good meal with no pork. Thirty years later, two of the men share the same flight, but failed to even recognize each other on the first.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Whats the most common use of a butt plug after school? In the sport of pole vaultIng, the butt plug is the rubber end of the pole that is designed to withstand the force of being planted in a steel box.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to see the CN tower. He was then hit by a fridge dropped by people running tests on the top floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why is a blonde girl crying in the bathroom? Because she has been bullied and someone broke her nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man walks into a bar... who cares what happens after that Charlie Sheen is winning and Osama Bin Laden is dead

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops