Why was the squirrel late for work? Because the traffic was nuts!

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why did the little girl fall off the swing. she had no arms so I pushed her off

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a hobo begs and begs for a dollar to buy something. a man finally gives him a dollar. what does the hobo buy? nothing. he walked into 711 and got shot.

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F: what is BLUE and has 400 whells ? Q: NOTHING !!!

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A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

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Random Guy: "Oh god, why was I born with so much common sense?" God: "You must be mistaken, or else you wouldn't be asking me."

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how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

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What does a Jewish Santa Clause say? This scenario is highly improbable as Jews celebrate Hanukkah and not Christmas.

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Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

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E= McVagina

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I was reading this book one time..... and my imagination took me away to many lands and times.

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What did Osama bin Laden say to the Navy SEALS? Nothing. There was insufficient time to hold a conversation before they shot him in the face.

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Hitler said "Jew mad?" I did nazi that coming !

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a man walks into a bar, he is injured severely and needs medical attention stat, he is rushed to the hospital where he dies that evening

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Your mum. Your mum who? Dinner is ready, come down stairs.

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Yo momma so fat, she has hypertension, diabetes, and a higher risk of heart disease.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care?

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A man walked into a Persian dentist office. After a few hours he leaves the office with his mouth feeling much better because the oral-surgery went exeptionally well.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Your family is dead. Your family is dead, who? Your family is dead.

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What's the difference between a whore and a blonde? There is not enough information to answer this question.

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jamie looks at jacob for arousment. jacob looks at his dog.........

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

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Q.When is a dog, not a dog? A. never

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmer's daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soy-bean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture remover's van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam, caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. "Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flies". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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