Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what does the nba stand for? Nothing But Africans

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you make a frog stand still? Shoot it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A Mexican, an Italian and an American all walk into a bar. They order their drinks and have pleasant conversation, and all return home to loving families safely and securely.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red Violets are blue I am disabled, so please help me poo.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

yo mama so fat that when she jumped on her tempurpedic mattress the wine did spill

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what do you get when you cross do you get when you cross a banana and a monkey? one happy monkey

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and trampoline? Well, children jump on one to obtain enjoyment, while a pile of dead babies is a sick tragedy.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

YOU AINT GOT NO PANCAKE MIX the preacher then bitchslaps the black man

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the Jew say the Black man after their meal? "Don't worry, I'll pay the bill."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A blonde, brunette and redhead are walking in the forest when they come across a set of tracks. The brunette says, "Those are dear tracks." The redhead says, "Those are elk tracks." The blonde says, "Those are moose tracks." They are then hit by bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a girl who was knocked off a swing by a fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a man gets raped. -teagan doherty-

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: Why did the boy go to the orphanage? A: His parents were dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There was a girl who was allergic to peanuts she ate peanuts and died the next day. She got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: Why is the earth round? A: I am Batman.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's white and sticky? A glue stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I like big butts and I cannot lie. You don't know that. I may enjoy skinny butts. I may be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's black and white and red all over? A chess board; I lied about the "red all over" part.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

where do you find sunglasses at? the store

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A blind man walks into the girls bathroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops