please ignore the bottom two 'jokes' as they were written by josh carey and ryan danielz

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Why did Suzue fall of the swing? The chain broke.

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Whats pink and screaming? a skinned baby in a bucket of vinegar+

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No.

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What is dark, funny looking, black, and rhymes with osama? A black lama.

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How do you make time fly? You throw a clock out a window.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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If someone tells you to look behind you do you? No

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Why was the guy sad? His son killed himself after being constantly bullied for 6 years.

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give me thumbs up or i'll rape u to death

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Why did Old Man Robert fall down the stairs? Someone kicked him down. And then he died.

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Why did the woman not wear a bra? Because she had breast cancer and got a double mastectomy.

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what do you call an astrounaut in space? an astrounaut you racist bastard

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A Mexican, A Caucasian and An African American walk into a bar. Suddenly, a rival of the African American's pulls up in a used Chevrolet and shoots him 6 times with a semi-automatic handgun. The Mexican and Caucasian are distraught and call 911 immediately. The rival is later arrested and found guilty of murder in the first degree by a jury of his peers. Less than 6 months later, the bar is closed due to the negative stigma surrounding the shooting. Urban life is a harrowing and tough experience that most outsiders will never fully understand.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No-one because that's not feasible.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Shit a brick.

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A rabbi walks into a bar, in traditional Jewish garb. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Sorry, you'll have to leave". The Jewish gentleman says "Why, don't you serve Jews in here?". The bartender replies "Of course we do, but we just found asbestos in the walls and we're closing for remodeling." The rabbi politely apologizes for making misplaced assumptions about the bartender's place of business.

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What happened to Johnny when he fell of his bike? He had a seizure, went into a coma, and forced his parents to take him off life support. Happy birthday Johnny.

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What did James say when he couldn't find his car? "My name's James".

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was an object of great appeal to him on the other side.

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"Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it; I tried to be chill, but then I realized that when used as an adjective, 'chill' refers to the temperature." -Jason Mraz

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The awkward moment when you have cancer.

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Why do Christians believe in God? Because they're stupid

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What do you do when your phone goes off in class? Stay behind after class whilst the teacher takes off his pants and tells you do bend over a desk. This is your punishment.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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