Roses are red Violets are blue The sky is blue too

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"? Very similar to the definition of a shame, but moreso.

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Whats the difference between a Corvette and a dead bag of babies. -there's not a Corvette in my garage

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 10 dead babies? I don't keep a Lamborghini I'm my garage

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Why was the old man on the floor? He fell

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Why did the little boy have a gun pointed at his head? Because he hated his life and wanted to kill himself.

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whats hard, its not what you think a penis

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Q: how do you stop a blonde woman from drowning? A: unplug the stopper in the bathtub Q: how do you stop a baby from drowning? A: take your foot off its head

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Chuck Norris didn't count to infinite twice. He can't even do it once.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He lacked the required muscular, integumentary, and nervous systems required to do so (among other essential bodily systems).

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A guy walks into a bar, but a metal bar, he hurts his head, he goes to the hospital to get an x-ray, Turns out he hard a brain tumor, He died the next day,

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Why did the plan crash? Because the pilot was a potato

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What's black and hanging on a tree in my backyard? Blackberries.

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What do you call a man with 3 arms, 6 ears, 9 fingers, and a red clown nose? His name.

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Why was Steve hungry? Because the last time he ate was yesterday.

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why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a date-rapist

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A man walks into a bar, drinks a few beers, then calls a taxi to take him home because he knew the risks of drunk driving.

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Yo mama's so fat that when she stepped on a scale, she saw her ex-boyfrien's phone number!

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What do you get if you cross a Kangaroo and a Sheep? They are too entirely different species and cannot be crossbred.

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What do fat kids and whales have in common? Ruth burden

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Why does the Muslim go to Hollywood? Because he is gifted in acting. He believes Hollywood will give him a wider range of career opportunities.

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Me: Why are red onions actually purple..? Dad: I don't know Sister: *sarcastic* Well, Why is it rainy in London? Me: ....Because that's the weather pattern.

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Can a man reproduce with only one testicle? No because girls don't dig that sh*t

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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