The grass is always greener on the side that uses manure and fertilizer daily.

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Why can't Helen Keller Drive? Because she's a women. Why can't Stephen Hawking speak freely with his voice? Because he's autistic.

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What did the tomato say to the ketchup? Nothing both vegetables and condiments are inanimate objects, therefore cannot speak

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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so i walk into a bar the bartender says what do you want i say a beer please he then goes one dear coming up soi thought tomy self should i tell him what i really said so i let him get the dear but for some reason he came out with tears i asked whats a matter he said you let me go to kill a dear

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there is a woman named shannen. she is happily married and has children.

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What is pretty, has big tits, talks like a guy, and has a dick? Your mom giving me a handjob.

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Why aren't 4 black people driving a red mustang? They can't afford it.

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a chinese wompus came out of the basement.

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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What's the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs taste better in stews.

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Enough with the "whats worse than ... "jokes! They are getting old and have a millon different possible answers. I am aware that this is not a joke but thumbs up if you aggree with.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, This poem doesn't make sense. Refrigerator.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have narcolepsy.

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf kid? He didn't either.

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oh no, i've lost my tractor

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An asian is driving a car. He observes the speed limit and uses his turning signals while switching lanes.

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Why shouldn't you play poker in the woods? Due to the stereotypical lack of human population in such an area, it would be excruciatingly difficult to find a partner with which to play competitive card games. I suggest trying solitaire instead.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Spanish Inquisition.

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What comes after 23? 24.

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Robocop and T-800 argue over who can run the fastest, Robocop claims he is the fastest, while T-800 says that he is the fastest. To settle things once and for all, they start a race. At first T-800 seems to be leading Then the T-800 is leading by a great distance. moments later the T-800 has a huge lead. But then suddenly, without any warning, the race shifts! T-800 is now leading only by a great distance! Yet in a amazing, and completely unexpected plot-twist. T-800 wins! Moral: :O

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Whats the most common use of a butt plug after school? In the sport of pole vaultIng, the butt plug is the rubber end of the pole that is designed to withstand the force of being planted in a steel box.

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you ever hear the joke about the rabbi, the pope and an elephant? No? well its a good one...

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A horse walks into a convenience store. He grabs a pack of gum, pays the man at the counter, and walks out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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