A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

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what do a parrot and a hippo have in common? i want to kill every non white human being!!!!

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just sit down and dont be a Jew

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once upon a time there was a cripple little girls who lived in an orfanage were she got raped then beat .

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who touched the priests sticky hand? Jake Duncan

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Why did the little girl fall out of the swing? Because she had no arms..

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A jew is a person contending to the faith of Judaism, and a pizza is an Italian flat normally round or square baked good consisting of dough, tomato sauce, cheese and various spices, and is sometimes enjoyed with toppings such as meat or vegetables.

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Whats Something everyone has except david? Money.

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Struggling with self esteem? Wish you were more attractive? Well stop wishing you fugly cum dumpster.

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Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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Why do people like anti jokes? Because their f****** funny as hell

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Who's black, white and Asian at the same time? A panda.

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whats black and white and slides on its belly a penguin

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Why did the black guy jump over the fence ? The holocost.

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This one time at band camp... I played an instrument and learned to march with the rest of my school's band.

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Why did the woman cross the road? She didn't. They are no roads in the kitchen.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One. This task does not require over 1 person to complete.

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If life gives you lemons ask where they came from.

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1Q: Quick! Ask me if I'm a lemon!! 2A: Your not a lemon 1A: :/ oh :/

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? The chicken had no legs and was therefore incapable of committing to such a challenge.

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Patriarchy.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. The police who? The POLICE, now open the god damn door!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To be eaten.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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