Why did the disabled man fall of the swing, someone shot him.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why was the little girl afraid of the dark because she was brutally raped in the dark when she was 4.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Yo mommas so fat they had to change 'one size fits all' to 'one size fits most'

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did he buy ANTIJOKE THE BOOK! - ? Because he wanted to read it.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I enjoy the fact that the jokes I post that do not make me laugh, are the ones that get zero thumbs, while those that at least make me smile, get at least a couple, I admit thought that its hard to keep track with me, I type jokes so fast that they disappear in the back before people can thumb them... Have you heard... Of the dog that was barking up the wrong three? The three said: Damn dog! I am not a tree! The dog kept barking, as dogs do not speak. Moral: Numbers speak fluently in most languages though...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Why do I staple a mans mouth to his penis. Because I wanted to

thumb_up thumb_down -65

What happened when the chicken crossed the road? He was hit by a bus!

thumb_up thumb_down -75

ALL OF YOU NO MORE CURSING EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT POSSABLE SO DON'T LISTEN

thumb_up thumb_down -75

What did 6 say to 7? Nothing, numbers are abstract concepts thought up by humans and therefore, they cannot speak or converse in any sort of language.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

You should periodically review the most up-to-date version of the Terms of Service. Oh you.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Ask me if I'm a flower. Are you a flower? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Justin Bieber walks into a Gay-Bar. He is then kindly escorted out because he is underage. Also, because the patrons gave him certain looks that brought concern to the heterosexual bartender.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man walks into a bar. He leaves when he realizes he is supposed to be at a business meeting

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What is green and invisible? This cabbage.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being shot repeatedly in the chest.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Like CHUCK NORRIS, CHUCK NORRIS like You !

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Wanna hear a joke? Womens' rights

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Whats worse than the holucaust.......... Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What can be worst than letting someone you dont know run a chainsaw? Letting Smokey Dokey run a chainsaw!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. Everyone is amazed because he can now walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

2 men walk into a bar. The first man proceeds to fall on the ground and let out a string of obscenities, obviously in excruciating pain. The second man, fearing that he may have suffered some sort of concussion, immediately goes to his doctor and gets checked out. He is still awaiting results.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why didn't Joe have any friends? Because according to Thomas Hobbes man is anti-social by nature and therefore the only friends that he has are purely to reach his own ends and thus Joe cannot truly have friends in the sense that many use the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops