- Anti Joke

Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

Who is blue and smells like green paint? Matt Daly

When life gives you lemons, throw them at pedestrians.

Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

Why do Vampires Sparkle in the Sunlight? They don't read a proper Vampire Novel and see for yourself.

Does this napkin smell like chlorofoam?

How many Ethiopian's can you fit in a bathtub? As many as you want, they'd all fall down the drain. JimBoto

Roses are Violets, Violets are Roses, I am a dumb ass, The Hobbit.

Q: Why can't dinosaurs talk? A: Because they are all dead.

How do you fit 3 squirtles two bulbasors and a charmander in a smart car You poke em on

What's black and blue and hates anal? The twelve year old in my trunk

Why does the man with no legs call for help? because he woke up to find that he had no legs.

why do girraffe's have long necks? because my foot is so far up all their asses that it hits their head, pushing it away from the body.

One cold winter day in Russia, a man asked a tree if he was cold. The tree did not reply, and the man became depressed.

Hey I just met you, and this seems crazy. I have Alzheimers... Hey i just met you.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

What's the difference between a dead baby and a man? One's tall the other's not

I ponder

How do you drown a down syndrome child? Put him/her into water.

You know that feeling you get when you see your crush walking towards you? No, I'm blind.

What is brown and sticky? Syrup.

What's worse than the Holocaust? Seeing duplicates of the top jokes.