- Anti Joke

What happened to the boy who spilled his fruit punch on the president? He was offered a new one compliments of Obama himself.

Where did the homeless man sleep? A rather nice hotel with fluffy pilloes

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know.

What Did batman say to robin before they got in the car..... Get in the car

Antijoke the book. Seriously it sucks ass, do not bother, they only included the very worst ones.

what has wings, bald but doesn't fly? a bald eagle... i lied at the flying part because i'm a f*cking lier from hell watching porn all day with my brother...

Little Johnny asks his teacher "What's 23 times 3?" She yelled, "Be quiet, Johnny, and grow up!"

A guy walks into the bar and orders a coke with some ice and some peanuts. It cost a total of $4.00 plus tax. He gave the bartender $5.00 and told him to keep the change. He drank the soda pop and burped loudly and left the bar and forgot his peanuts.

If there are 50 oranges and 50 waffles tied to a fence post. How many cow utters does it take to shit green? urine.

What's Terry short for? He's missing a leg.

Why do girls not have to have drivers license? Because they don't need a car to get from the bedroom to the kitchen ;) Don't mean to offend anybody! His joke is just funny

why did the girl cross the road? to commit suicide

What happened to Johnny when he fell of his bike? He had a seizure, went into a coma, and forced his parents to take him off life support. Happy birthday Johnny.

After saving my own life after killing my father, and saved my wife by killing my mother I feel free from their burden on my shoulders and am ready to face life... Yet in the back of my skull I keep thinking "After this anti-joke of a life, I wonder what`s next"... ...And HELL I AM READY FOR WHATEVER COMES! I SAVED MY OWN LIFE BY KILLING MY FATHER, I SAVED MY WIFE BY KILLING MY MOTHER (and breaking the wrists and legs kneecaps of her "boyfriend" as he attacked me, My father broke a vertebrae in my neck which has left my back twisted and in constant pain, my mother chopped of my arm when I was six and proceeded to beat the shit out of me with it leaving me with an ortopedic arm! WHAT THE FUCK COULD TAKE ME DOWN NOW? WHAT THE FUCK CAN STOP THE DEMON THAT IS LEFT IN ME! So MERRY Mtherfcking Christmas... My wife`s mother gave me 3000 dollars for christmas (deposited in account already) while my parents FORGOT my birthdays, and "forgot" to get me anything for christmas WHILE STILL GIVING MY BROTHER CHECKS AND PLANE TICKETS FOR HIM (AND HIS FRIENDS! Not me) FOR CHRISTMAS! They did however always invite me to my brothers birthday... Which is EXACTLY TEN DAYS AFTER MINE! I STOPPED REMINDING THEM OF THAT after they not only beat the SHIT out of me and WATERBOARDED me for reminding them... But also forgot it already the VERY NEXT DAY! They "bought" me christmas presents after I began working... WITH MY OWN MONEY! Not only that but they would get me a gift of 50 bucks while drawing out several thousand dollars from my account! SOME XMAS GIFT! Then my father faked my signature and withdrew 30.000 dollars from my savings... So a strange, salt liquid substance is dropping from my eyes as I actually get money and not permanent scars and crippling injuries while getting mugged from my mother in law instead... Which proves (at least to my psychiatric evaluator) that I am not insane nor a psychopath, but a caring guy with a fucked up life... Make no mistake though, step on my foot, and I will break yours and stick them up your ass... I am fucking scared of joining my wife and her family for christmas dinner, but what I fear today is bullshit compared to the torture which was my life until it was discovered that I was covering up for my mothers cocaine abuse and I was finally released from prison... (which was a great stay which I volutarily took as was 17 year old to get away from my mother). SO MERRY FUCKlNG XMAS EVERYBODY! Nero "Moral Man" aka Black Metal. My followers no longer call me twisted metal after hearing why I killed my "mommy and daddy". I am done with my rant, the nightmares might continue, but at least the age where I long for them rather than facing reality are over, so no more stories about how I broke my fathers skull and chocked my mother (one handed, remember the other is and ortopedic one because she chopped it off)... Nah, that is in my past. Judge me, hate me, find me and challenge me for a fight (rather do not) but dont tell me I am not metal as fuck. Oh and thumb me down, no seriously it makes me cry, yeeeeeees of course, seriously! Dont make me laugh... And I am a lawyer... Classes in prison (got an extended sentence for killing two guys there because they where going to rape me) So the future looks no darker than the future of a lawyer once again looking for a job... Nice try fucking me over family...

Whats the worst part of Chemotharapy? The Cancer.

What does a witch put food in? A lunchbox

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

LIFE INSERT COIN TO BEGIN!!! SELECT DIFFICULTY EASY

My tractor broke down.

whats better than a car. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Guess what. I eat weed and smoke yogurt

FUCK THE CHRISTIANS

what hurts more than a stab wound? two stab wounds

What's worse than dying? Dying poor.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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