Q:What's red and fluffy? A: A blue rock, if blue were red and rocks were fluffy

thumb_up thumb_down +65

A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody, because first, pineapples are too small to fit in, and second, you would drown.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I believe that as long as we do not change, as we decide to believe in ourselves and use our strength and potential, all that is left, is to see which side fate favors. Maybe we are meant to survive trough our strength and belief in ourselves and each other, or maybe we are, or will eventually end up as the last people of our kind, and fade away from life, proving that those that trust in the corrupt, where better than us. Suddenly I feel so alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

a black man and a squirrel get hit on two different roads what's the difference? well for starters theyre two different species. a squirrel is much smaller than a human and has his own mark on society. the man will be missed dearly by his family and if the impact with the car wasnt bad, he may have a chance to make it out alive at the hospital. the squirrel however is not so lucky. it will be left to die on the street or would have died on impact already with sadly no squirrel hospital to tend to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did the blind boy get for christmas? harry potter transcribed in braille so he could enjoy such a magical world like the rest of us

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: What's funny about prostitution? A: Nothing. It's a widely misunderstood profession.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I am darkness, soon I shall rule the world, those of you that desire to serve me thumb this up, those of you that desire eternal fear beyond your imagination, thumb me down. Moral: Try thinking of me and thinking "he is crazy", in order to unlock the secrets behind spontaneous human combustion.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why did the girl cross the road ? to get run over by a flee of running cows

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q. What language cant you speak A.Sign language

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why do vampires suck the blood of their victims? Because blood is very nutritious and provides more iron for heamoglobin.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Did you hear about the speed reader on top of the Twin towers? 90 stories 5 seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

It was a stormy night and a stinking boy was running away from the co-op, he was clutching onto his pocket and constantly looked over his shoulder.... panting the boy reaches for a rusty door handle he opens the door quickly and shuts it behind him. "mam i got tea" said the boy "thanks david we will eat tonight for once" said a big chinned pharaoh.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Why was the black man eating a banana? Because bananas are an excellent source of potassium.

thumb_up thumb_down -195

I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

An Asian child flunks a test.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

What do you call a black man that goes to college? A student..

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Whats funny about a car crash? If a bowl of soup is talking.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had an appointment with his hair stylist. Just kidding chicken don't have hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the boy dress up as a zombie? Because it was Halloween.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Whats green has four legs and would kill you if it fell from a tree. Pool Table.....

thumb_up thumb_down +20

It's a bird! No it's a plane! No you idiots, it's only a cloud.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Have you heard about the new German microwave? It's a great labour-saving appliance that cooks food much more quickly than a conventional oven

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops