What do a fish, a can of asparagus, a spool of thread, and a car tire have in common? Nothing.

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What did the mother get her blonde daughter for her birthday? A flower on her tombstone.

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Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- *Commits Suicide*

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Whats worse then the quote "Do it, hit her!" The quote "Do it, Hitler!"

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I now pronounce you man and lion. You may now kiss the pride.

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What did the suicide bomber say on new years day? Happy new year.

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What is brown and gurgles? dead baby casserole

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A guy walks into a bar what does he say? OW.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Knock Knock Who's there? I don't know Then why should I care I don't know

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Roses are red Violets are blue We cant have sex I have ED

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Why couldn't Helen Keller see or hear? She was blind and deaf.

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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson? I thought you were dead.

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Knock knock Who's there? Hector Hector who? ....I forgot the rest of the joke but your mom is a whore.

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knock knock who's there? It's Jim we haven't seen each other since college Why hello there come on in

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Why did the man die? He got shot!

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How do you drown a blond? Keep her head underwater until her lungs fill with water and her bodily functions stop working.

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Why can't we see the wind? Because no one likes you...

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who? Doctor Watson - I'm here to see your little sister who is currently terminally ill and every second is of vital importance. Therefore this exchange of words is only worsening the already terrible situation that we find ourselves in. Please open the door.

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I'M THE GRAPIST!! I'M GONNA GRAPE UR MOM AND UR DAD AND UR WHOLE FAMILY!!!

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The eighties called They were pretty exited about inventing a telephone that can call the future

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Anthony Dephillips is handsome

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Joe used to always talk about his family and his two wonderful kids Joe can no longer talk to or about his family because his smoking habits have gotten out of control

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If she is under the age of 18 years old and is identified by your state as a minor, shes too young for you bro.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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