How do you make someone to go away from you? You rape them How do you get santa to not give you presents anymore? You rape him How do you get the easter bunny to stop coming to your house? Friend: you rape him? No, you ask him politly to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia ...where am I

thumb_up thumb_down -16

whats red and falls from a tree an apple

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's the difference Justin Bieber and a Dic* the Dic*

thumb_up thumb_down -16

An enormous black man wearing a durag walks into a bar. Due to the diverse and friendly comminuty he lives in, nobody judges him on his race, ethnicity, or culture. He goes on to pursue his career in business and gets a Masters Degree in Business Administration. He get's a job as an IT Director for a very successful business and he marries a well educated woman. They have 2 kids, but one of them is diagnosed with "Ondine's Curse" and dies in it's sleep. Distressed, and mourning the death of his newborn son, he seeks help from his parents. Regardless of his parents comforting and loving attitude towards him, he goes into the inner city smoking and selling illegal drugs like crack. He even got into cocaine and marjuana. 4 and a half years later, he was about to attempt suicide, when he saw his only living son, whom he loved with all his heart, walk into the room with his teddybear. He just looked at him, and he looked back. Suddenly, the father started crying. Flashbacks started playing though his mind of his happy life he was steadily pursuing. "why me?" He constantly thought to himself. What did he do to deserve this? 7 years in the future. The father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Right before his death, he asked to talk to his son. "Son, listen to me. Never try to comtemplate the world we live in, it's too spontaneous and insane to understand. This world can either give you bliss or depression. Nothing inbetween. And most people who make there way up to the top eventually will fall. What goes up must come down. Ha... I never thought I'd be talking to me own son giving him a silly lecture in a deathbed. But just look at me..."the father gets very muddled and disoriented* "...Son. They say most of us have a good reason to live. Well don't most of us have a good reason to die too?" Malik Cartwright died on March 22, 1999. His son went on to legally change his middle name to "Leek", after his father's nickname. He went on to get the same Master's Degree that his father received, and had kids of his own. The whereabouts of the mother are unknown.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: This is a logical fallacy. If something is "Red All Over," it is implied that no other color can be showing. Thus, whatever innate Black and/or Whiteness was formerly attributed to said object will now have been inherently obfuscated by its Redness.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital due to a large aneurysm that has burst in his brain because he walked into the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I'll be back. Please use the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

After finishing reading this sentence, read it again and you might or might not realise that there is a secret subliminal message in this sentence making you do something later tonight. Can you spot it?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the "gangster" looking black guy ask the white guy he approached randomly on the street? "Excuse me sir, are you aware of the injustices done toward the jewish community that has been the decline of western society since the reclamation proclamation?"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

The other day, I broke my snare drum.... I still haven't fixed it and am planning on doing so soon.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What is more funny than an anti joke? A real joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Obama is a good president, I beg to differ.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How do you get rid of door knocker? You run at them with a chainsaw.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

what did the boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday just dance 3

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was the man sitting down? He was recently paralyzed in a car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

whats worse than a dead cat in your apple? a dead baby in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Your mama is so fat that when she farted she called it global warming

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the kid eat so much ice cream? Because he wanted to eat ice cream.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Hello Braydon

thumb_up thumb_down -20

If you give a homeless man a fish he eats for the night, if you teach him to fish then he probably won't be able to feed himself anyway, he is too poor to afford a pole.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's Tammie short for? Diabetes claimed both her legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

whats the difference between you're mom and you're dad none there both the same

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops