Doctor doctor, I came here as quickly as possible, it was just the nearest place I could find. My dog he... he's panting and bleeding and I don't know what to do I think he's dying and I just want him to hold on... Please... Well then go to a vet you stupid shit.

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"I can sell this watch for $500 dollars on the black market!" Well, you could sell your liver for $500 dollars on the black market too.

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An early Jewish man walks into a bar where a number of stormtroopers have gathered for drinks and is taken into custody and then transported by railcar to a camp where he and other persecuted minorities are deliberately imprisoned in a relatively small space with inadequate facilities where they await their eventual mass execution.

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How can you tell that your friend just had sex with a blonde? The girl he just had sex with has blonde hair.

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An Englishman, Irishman, and Jew walk into a bar. Steven Spielberg is a Jew.

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Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they die.

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What is worse than the Haulocost? Running across Africa with KFC

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Roses are red,violets are blue, im epileptic sdblkselhvefbed

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How do you drown a blonde? Tie a cinderblock to her foot and throw her in water.

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If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Digress

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Why couldn't Austin eat his noodles? He was a horse, and horses don't have hands, silly goose!

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A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint. "Well it's like this Doc, when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The green green grass of home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's new, pussy cat?'. It's so embarrassing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah', and my wife was not amused!" "Yes, it would apear that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome." "Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man. "Yes," replied the doctor, "It is very uncommon."

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Well babies don't have the strength or coordination to hold a paint brush, so you may need to call some painters.

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When's the best time to go to the dentist? There is no best time, it is based on personal opinion and depending whether or not you have a conflicting schedule

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theres a giant burning orb in the sky and it can burn your flesh, it can give you diseases, it can kill you, looking directly at it causes physical pain, and we all think this is okay. we like this orb. we like to go outside and lie around on our backs when this orb is in the sky. children draw cute pictures of this levitating death orb with a smiley face on it. what is wrong with us

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A man walks into a bar.....OW!

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jay hefti is so cool and alex askew is hot

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What's the most racist thing ever... Manhattan

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Your mom.

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Joke: What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho Cheese! Anti Joke: What do you call cheese that's not yours? Sally's Cheese

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How do you stop clowns from throwing cinderblocks at your car? Hire a hitman.

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what do you call a white guy on a bus load of blacks guys? probably his name...

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Hey i just met u And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey i just met u

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squirrels playing in the street=dez bryant playing tennis

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops