Knock Knock! Hmm. I'm not expecting anyone. It's probably just a telemarketer, and I'm not very interested in purchasing anything at the moment. I won't answer it.

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If life gives you lemons, you shoud be thankful it didn't give you AIDS.

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An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are on a plane. The plan is carrying too much weight, and is destined to crash. They drop the luggage, but there is still too much weight on board. They drop the secondary engine, but there is still too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Why did the man start crying? Because he lost his job.

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Why does Marcus keep playing dumb games instead of doing his goelogy. No one knows.

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What's brown, liquid and bad for your health in large doses? Did you guess: Coca Cola? Soda? Beer? Pepsi? Wrong. It's beer. Did this Anti-joke sound pretentious? Don't worry, you're not the only one.

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What do get when you cross a truck and a cliff? Flames.

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what do you call a cow? A cow

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what did the muffin say to the other muffin when they were in the oven? hi, im a muffin

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What did the man say to his wife? We are both men. Apart from you.

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What did the two fire men say to each other whilst a house was burning? Well be better put that fire.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the dead monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer-pressure.

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666

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Q.Want to hear somthing that will never happen A. Sure A. the Houston Astros won a game.

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A horse walks into a bar, it gets a concussion. -mattobrado

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What do you call a black man from Germany? A Germ.

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What's gold and looks like a brick? A gold brick. What's gold and looks like a nugget? A gold nugget. Whats gold and like a car? Gold. I lied about the car.

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What is round and will hurt you if you step on it? The sun

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A young girl falls off a swing, she is paralysed from the neck down and unable to walk every agian.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did the man mow his lawn without his shirt on? Because it was very hot out.

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Q) You know how I know your gay A) Cuz your gay

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ive got a joke for you Nicki minajs ase

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Why did the business man move to New York? Because he saw a potential business opportunity that could benefit him and his loving family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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