What did the cow get for Christmas? A tree

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a black man from Germany? A Germ.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What does a turtle do on its back? NOTHING!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the boy get for creating a fantastic AntiJoke? Leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's brown and sticky? A penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the Koala Fall out of the tree, It was Dead

thumb_up thumb_down -19

It’s dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the room packed with married people seem empty? Maybe they were all playing hide-and-seek. Or maybe the room was pitch black and they were all standing very still and quietly.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's the worst part about seeing a dead baby on the beach? The crushing sadness.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Knock knock Who's there? The police. You are under arrest for sodomy.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

If file gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Q: Why did the little girl upset? A: Because she was part of the human centipede

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A man walks into a pole.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What does 1+1 equal? 2

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A horse walks into a bar, it gets a concussion. -mattobrado

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the disabled man fall of the swing, someone shot him.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Test

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many friends did Jeffery have? 0 because he ate them and put them in his fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What happened to the chicken crossing the road? She found a male chicken, had many babies and lived happily forever after.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q. What language cant you speak A.Sign language

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Whats the difference between a ham sandwich and a dead baby sandwich? I don't stomp on my ham sadnwiches with cleats before I eat them.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops