What did the cancer patient get for Christmas? 2 weeks to live...

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-if you're American in the kitchen, British in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? -in the bathroom.

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*you're

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- Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1? - No.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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A penguin walks into a bar and orders a beer................ PENGUINS DON'T WALK OR TALK

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Why was the boy dad? Because he was taken advantage of by an older woman during ovulation and impregnated her.

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OBAMA and the DEMOCRATS

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A baby seal walks into a club.... Oh....

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What did the psychiatrist say to the man when he walked into his office naked and wrapped in saran wrap? The doctor prescribes him tablets to treat his bi-polar tendencies.

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Why did the dog kill the fish? He had no reason, he just wanted fish. What, you thought he had like, a vendetta? pssh your crazy

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What did the fat man with scissors do? Cut off the foreskin of your penis.

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what does gum eat ? gum you idiot!

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how hight is a china man ? derr his name is how high and he is a china man

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know where I am, I'm blind.

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Abbott! Abbott who? Abbott time you answered the door! The door was never answered because they did not know the person at the door.

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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why did the man leave the restaurant? because he was done with his meal

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how do you kill a little girl? seeing as murder is a federal offence i will not tell you how. you should be ashamed for asking.

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why hppened when the little boy failed his math test? He cut off his penis, shaved his head and hung himself

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What's the difference between watermelon and baby? I don't eat watermelon.

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How you your turn a trashcan into a semi-automatic AK-47? You don't. But ask the irishman who just said "hello" to you.

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whats red and bad for your teeth? A Brick

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Why did John kill Maris? Because Maris killed his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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