why harry potter, if he was a wizard?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did the german get for christmas? an Easy-Bake oven and a G.I. Jew

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Knock knock *the family is on vacation and doesn't answer*

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Ahhh! Grandpa your going too hard!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

what does it mean when Justin Bieber sounds like a boy someones hit puberty

thumb_up thumb_down -26

(approach girl) How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to fit into the same dress as you

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did the little orphan girl get for christmas? nothing her parents are dead

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why was timmy having trouble with his homework? Because lobotomies were a forced practice in the 1950's.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

roses are red violets are blue you might think i can write poems but, bit i really really can't

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A zucchini is walking down the street, when he spots a cucumber club on his left hand side. Having nothing else to do he decides to walk in. When he walks into the club all of the cucumbers stop and stare at this strange being in their club. Finally, after having one too many drinks, one cucumber decides that this ridiculousness has gone on long enough and it is up to him to say something, so he goes up to the zucchini and says, "Hey buddy, what's your problem, clearly you are in a cucumber club and you're a zucchini." The zucchini just looks at him, puzzled, and responds " A cucumber club? I thought this was a ucumber club!!!!!"... It's funny because zucchinis are dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon ones a live the other isnt

thumb_up thumb_down -28

a girl and a guy rented a hotel room for a night. theyre siblings and stayed up all night watching very classy movies about farm animals and each of them ordered a chocolate cake to eat while watching their fantastic informational film.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What do you call a black guy that drives a plane? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's worse than a snake in your boot. A boot in your snake.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why was the man crying? Because he was punched in the stomach.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy? You're skinny

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How did they wake up Lady Gaga? They p-p-poked her face p-p-poked her face......!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What is the science of classifying living things? Racism...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How long does it take a Jewish man to pleasure his wife? There are many factors that go in to pleasuring a woman, none of which are readily measureable

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? There are many circumstances that could affect the outcome of the situation. One of them is whether or not the given people have or will soon obtain a ladder. In this case, the lightbulb could take more time than needed to be screwed in and effectively changed. Another key factor in the situation is the number of people. If there are enough people to reach the ceiling without a ladder, the lightbulb could be screwed in sooner or later than asked by the owner of the facility in which the lightbulb socket is installed. Finally, the height of the persons given is a crucial point in this situation. The people may be tall, thus allowing there to be fewer people needed. The people could be short and need a greater number of people than if the people were, perhaps, a bit taller. All in all, I'd say about 1-2.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

say yes will u remember me in a year?yes will u remember me in a month? yes will u remember me in a week?yes will u remember me in a minute?yes will u remember me in a second?yes knock knock whos there u said u will remember me u dick

thumb_up thumb_down -34

a child logs on to anti-joke.com and proceeds to post dead baby jokes and jokes with punchlines that suit the build up. i am bitterly disappointed as are all the other fans of anti-joke.com who understand the humor of anti jokes

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops