- Anti Joke

What does a person and a tree have in common? You can knock them down if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.

What's small and red that sits in a corner? A baby with a razor blade.

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

Q: What do you do when your friend tells you he murdered someone? A: Call the police.

Why do Southern guys go to family reunions? To connect with their loved ones, meet any new additions and share old family stories.

A man named Joe has practiced drawing cartoon characters his entire life. When Joe turns 15 he decides to enter a local drawing competeiton. Joe works very hard drawing his cartoon and finally finishes. When it is the time to hand in his drawing his drawing, he hands it in an receives a satisfying 2nd place and continues on with his life. Two years later Joe decides to enter another drawing competeiton (this one much more competitive) after his drawing skills have tremendously increased. He begins drawing and is 3/4 of the way finished when Joe is brutally murdered by a mentally disturbed man and cannot hand in his art work and is therefore disqualified from the competeiton and loses.

What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? Sitting on a black man is just plain rude.

Roused are red violets are blue I just s*** in my own poo

Why was six afraid of seven You would be scared to if your name was six and you knew someone named seven

What did the man with the knife say to the ostrich? Run or I'll stab you!

Why did the world not end in 2012? Because the Mayans were drunks.

What did the mother get at the grocery store? Food.

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What are the two biggest jokes in College Football? Auburn and Florida! Roll Tide!

Why did the child get hit by a bus? He was blind.

Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

Why was the 45 year old man crying? He shit his pants.

3 men check in to a motel. They all decide to leave given the eminent danger of being the butt of a homosexual joke.

Your mama's so fat.... I ran around her twice, And got lost

A man is about to rape a girl. Before penetration he carefully and correctly applies a condom as he practices safe sex and is not yet ready to father a child.

It was a dark night, I was walking home from the shops in town, The wind was whistling through my damp hair, My spine tingled and i tucked my hands under my stinking pits. I felt like someone was watching me, I walked faster the breath was warm on my kneck i turned around. It was gary glitter he pulled down my pants and gave me the best sucky i ever had. We kissed and i tasted the cheese from my knob. In all garry glitter has a giant knob

Why does Michael j. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses the finest ingredients

What's black,white, and red all over? Nothing, because if it is completely covered in red then it can only be red.

What's worse then finding a finger in your Chili? Getting Mollested by a Pterodactyl.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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