What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Their middle name.

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Your mother is so fat that she once ate an entire peach cobbler in one sitting and chastised herself yet again for her lack of self-control over her eating habits and her need to fill the holes in her self esteem with the short-lived gratification she gains from eating too much of the foods she finds tasty.

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What do you call an arab flying a 747? A pilot.

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Q: How many pandas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: I don't know.

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What is black and white and red all over? Two Nuns in a chainsaw fight.

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Why doesn't Michael J. Fox drive a stick shift? He was raised in an urban area and was only taught to maneuver with vehicles that shifted automatically.

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whats worse than getting the girl you're talking to taken from you? getting the girl you like taken from you.. by a asian.

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Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

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"Knock, Knock" "who's there" "John doe" "John doe who" "I told you my my name was john doe"

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Why didnt the chicken cross the road? -Its a chicken you dumb shit.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog

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How do you give Salley enough energy swim against the river current? Add your own electric current.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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Q:Why did the boy cry? A: because his mom was hit by a bus Q: why did the boy wipe his face? A:he was covered in his mother blood and threatened all the witness who saw him push his mother into the bus

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Teacher: Billy what do you want to be when you grow up? Billy: A fireman! Teacher: Tommy what do you want to be when you grow up? Tommy: 9/11

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue I suck at Poetry, show me your Tits.

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Where do astronaut cows go? Nowhere. There's no such thing as an astronaut cow.

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How do you get a black man out of KFC? Tell him to get out

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpion. What's worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant scorpions

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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How do you kill a 6'5 black man in a dark alley? Stab him 3 times in the appendix with a 12 inch blade.

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What did the black kid get for his birthday? Yo bike!

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What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

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What did the hooker say to her employer after 1 hour....you owe my $20

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops