I like my women like I like my coffee, without a dick

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Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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Why did the girl put on make-up and perfume? Because she was ugly and smelled bad.

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why did the building fall down the terrorists came back

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What do you call a homeless person with one leg? Rob.

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Me and my pet lion just took a trip to his homeland of africa. It is also worthwhile to note I'm a chronic liar.

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If the red house is made out of red bricks, the yellow house is made out of yellow bricks, and the blue house is made out of blue bricks, what is the greenhouse made of? Ah, I see what you did there. You are expecting me to follow the sequence based on how each house is made out of bricks the same color as their title. However, I am one step ahead of you and I know that the greenhouse is made out of glass panels. But what if it were made out of green glass panels? Then, I suppose, the sequence could continue naturally yet we still have a problem of units - bricks vs. glass. Quite the dilemma we are facing.

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Don't you hate it when your reading a sentence and it doesn't end how you testicles.

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Why did the little girl fail her test? Because she had mental retardation.

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How do you make a builder sad? You shit on his bricks.

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why did the lesbians shop at modell's? because they thought the store had reasonable prices and considerable discounts

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whats orange, nocturnal, and hurts to the touch? The sun or an orange owl... Depends on your preference

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Two muffins are in an oven. The oven is set to 425 degrees farenheit. The two muffins are taken out of the oven once cooked, and enjoyed by the couple who cooked them.

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Bill: Whats 2 + 2? Joe: Your mom

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Why did the cow have a pain in his stomach. It has testicular cancer.

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your mom is so old. she can legally get a senior discount

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why does one side of a v-flock of geese have more birds? Because it does.

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "You're not that bad...you're still better at giving hand jobs than your dad is."

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Were did Suzie go after the bombing? A: everywere

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i like pie.

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Why did the man die? Because he was unpopular and someone killed him with a gun. He is now dead. RIP.

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Why do those Indian people have that dot on their forehead ? Idk but it makes a good target.

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Can Geico save save you 50% on your car insurance? Does a former drill sergent make a terrible therapist?

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What did the nazi say to the jew? im gay

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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