Text me back when you can. I can't, my fingers got amputated.

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who touched the priests sticky hand? Jake Duncan

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A chronic hemophiliac walks into a bar. He cuts his leg and bleeds to death.

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Why couldn't Bethany drive? She was 14.

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So a Moose walks into this store, and walks up to the lady bitch, and he goes "Hey, lady bitch, where the potatoes?" So the lady bitch goes "Heheh, their in aisle 5." So the moose goes down aisle 5, and there aint no potatoes.

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Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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Yo momma so fat she has more chins the china town

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Why do black people eat so much fried chicken? Because it's delicious!

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A large man goes into a restaurant and places his order The waiter asks if he would like the weight watchers menu He says no because he doesnt care about his weight

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Explain the term 'Standard of Living'? Not having sex with diseased and obese women.

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You know what's funny? A bucket full of dead babies. Do you know what's funnier? The last one is still alive and crying.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because he was hungry and mcdonalds was across the street

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What did the duck get for Christmas. A potato. Not really it got nothing because it's a duck

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What did one baby say to the other? Nothing, they're both dead.

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Why don't elephants eat bananas? Because they don't have opposable thumbs.

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Why did the black man go to school? So he could graduate with a degree and persue his life in medicine. He later goes on to get his P.H.D. He now supports his healthy family of 5 and living in Idaho, the state of the potato. He has a job as a doctor and is making more than $2M a year. Ha, didn't expect that now did ya.

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What's the worst part about being drunk? Your child.

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Why did the Mexican man jump to the floor? He had a stroke.

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What's harder nailing 10 babies to 1 tree... Or nailing 1 baby to 10 trees???

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Knock, Knock Who's There A dyslexic kid with aides

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Q: What's up? A: Definitely not a plane, due to an unfortunate hijacking and terror bombing shortly after departure. There were no survivors.

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What do you call a blind fish? Amblyopsidae.

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Person 1-How do you spell pulmonary embolism? Person 2-P-U-L-M-O-N-A-R-Y E-M-B-O-L-I-S-M. Person 1- Thanks. Person 2- Your Welcome.

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american government

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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