A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

What's black and twelve inches long? A Maglite.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Why did the man fall from the sky? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

So two clowns walk into a bar... . . . . . . . . . . They died

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Lethal injection is a lot more humane than the electric chair. I know because nobody's complained about it yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

What do you call a black kid with dead parents? Depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +52

A fish finds that his fishbowl is on fire. He escapes the bowl only to realize he is equally screwed.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

An Englishmen, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, and ordered a beer. They later went home and slept. They woke up the next morning with a slight hangover.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb Mary had a little lamb and the doctor was surprised

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What do you call a Mexican on a boat? A sailor

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What do you call a pig with one eye? A pig.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

why did the kid get a bad grade he didnt study

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What do you call a penis without hair? Apple sause

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Roses are Gray, Violets are Gray, I am color-blind, I hate my life

thumb_up thumb_down +46

*knock knock* "who's there?" "me, the person who knocked..duh"

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? The pilot and three passengers died.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

How do you get a blonde to break a nail? Smash her finger with a wrench.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

why'd the baby cross the road it was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +44

FUCK YOU NEVEN

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Whats the differance between a lawnmower and a sack of dead babies? I dont have a lawnmower in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why did the chicken cross the road? why? Womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why can't Helen Keller hear? She's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Q: What's white, sticky, and is swallowed by most women? A: Ice Cream

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops