why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

roses are brown, violets are brown, who the hell sh** on my garden?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what do you call a blond who likes human flesh a cannibal

thumb_up thumb_down +18

water, hydrated silica, glycerin, sorbitol, PVM/MA copolymer, sodium lauryl sulfate, flavor, cellulose gum, sodium hydroxide, propylene glycol, carrageenan, sodium saccharin, titanium dioxide all adds up to colgate. SO AS A MATTER OF FACT, CHEESE PLUS PIE IS CHICKEN. CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I LIKE SAYING CHEESE, JACK AND JILL WENT UP THE HILL BECAUSE THEY WERE BAGELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

if life gives you lemons, throw them at pedestrians

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A donkey walks into a supermarket and asks the cashier "Where are the potatoes?" The cashier replies "aisle 3" The donkey goes to aisle 3 And there are no potatoes

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the autopilot of a plane malfunction even though the pilots had engaged the switch? The pilots had taken manual control. I lied about the switch.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is blind and death, making her oblivious of her surroundings and would be a danger to fellow commuters. -mac

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what is long and bare? polonaise to the pediatric ward what is short and bald? same polonaise, 3 weeks later

thumb_up thumb_down +18

So there was this Afghan with a backpack on a train... he was going to work.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a feline attempting surgery? A catastrophe, because they aren't very good surgeons.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get a baby in a blender? Feet first so you can see the expression on it's face. How do you get it out ? Nacho chips!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Mitt Romney penis

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the stuffed animal say to the human after the human said hi? Nothing, after all stuffed animals can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Your time.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you baby sit a black child? Entertain him with stimulating games to help with his cognitive growth.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: What did the latino kid get for christmas? A; Nothing because he died two days before

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's heavy, black, and when hanging by a rope from a tree, makes white people happy? A tire, in any white football player's backyard.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats not green and cant pee? Not a pea!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what do you call anybody eating at mcdohnalds? hungry, diabetic people

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock knock Who's there? You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is a black guy's favorite hobby? Stamp collecting.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many cats get hit by a car per day How ever many cats you can find

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why was the boy wearing pyjamas? It was his bed time.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops