my nAME IS ALAN AND IM NOT COOL

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did the little boy drop his icecream? he was hit by a train

thumb_up thumb_down -11

your momma is so dumb.. ... because she was a slacker in high school but then turned her life around and is now a respected member of society

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a shark in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the black man go to the gym? Because he was severely fat and would live a short life if he didn't lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the teacher say to the pupil who was bad at maths? You are bad at maths and will never complete any sum EVER!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Knock Knock Who's There? Your Best friend. Did you forget what I looked like?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's big, blue, and eats rocks? A big blue rock eater.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between a cow and a fat person. Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Today is my birthday.... Goodbye cruel world

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do Jews suck? Because they lie, steal money, and start wars.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what do you do when you see a black man getting hitted by a Mexican taxi? -Call 911

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the skeleton stay home from the party He was buried in a coffin underground and, as a matter of fact, wasn't actually invited

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

You forgot to tell her that I can sense how you are doing and feeling based on how you phrase the words, how quickly you type, spacing, and lots of stuff I do not remember but can still make use off. Listen, I am alive and well compared to what I have been other times, the best thing about my grotesque childhood, is that it makes everything else, including this seem like nothing in comparison, nothing compares its as simple as that. Hey, speaking of simple, I want the new Street Figher game, and I want you to play if for me tomorrow, ill just tell you what to push or possess you or something else not possible, then we will both be calm like I am now, just like when we played Metal Gear, I tell you what to do, and you kinda suck and mess up because I am horrible at giving instructions okay? You know, I can see the sea from here, its really calming, it will also help you calm down as well, lets say I was in a casket, got out of it, and am recovering now, and you can be on your way now in about now unless my guys crashed in mid air, which is stupid, and stop staring at the screen like that, you should go watch television or something, distract yourself for the time being. Ill have to sleep now, speaking of knowing my limits, I might be taking permanent damage here, and while that is fine, I cant let it progress, I cant afford to go insane now that I have proven to many and most importantly myself that I am not. Remember when we watched flipper together? Skippy the Kangaroo? Mind breaking out those old video tapes? Id love watching them with you again... As for the videogames screw that, it was just something I said just like the sea, the game between you and me screwing up in order to "possess you", and then the sea so you would calm down like when you discovered you where really good at swimming once the fear of water got away. I wont lie you got that fear because I am a hydrophobe, young people end up mimicking the fear of one another, but thats over, I shower without getting blemishes now remember? I am no longer convinced my mother is laughing at me when the water gets cold either, I overcame that. Okay, wake up, just know I did not "possess you" I just "linked our emotions together by portraying a scenario we both know and enjoy doing together, I hope its okay I do not explain anymore, with zopiclone in the system, I can barely think at all. But let me know if you need more help. Say whats on your mind, ill read it all, but I cant answer, I am not taking any damage, I assure you that was just part of a hypnotic process, its "the link" I pretend like I am worried so you will know we are both worried and enter the same state, from then on I change it. I know you fear hypnosis and what it can do, but I hope you still trust me.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Who's there? Knock Knock.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

roses are red facebook is blue no mutual friends who the heck are you

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A black guy walks into a bar... *3 hours later* He walks out...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a snail driving a boat? An accident waiting to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Did you hear about the guy who came home one night and found his wife in bed with his best friend? He had just returned from a trip to the grocery store, where he'd purchased bread, milk, eggs, broccoli, yams, tea, and brownie mix.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red. Violets are blue. These are facts. Good day.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you kill a retard You give em a kinfe and ask who's special

thumb_up thumb_down -15

hit the thumbs down button

thumb_up thumb_down -15

There were once three bears who lived in a cottage in the forest. They left to go to the market one day. While they were gone a blonde girl walked into their cabin. Meanwhile at the market, everyone was freaking out that there were bears there.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops