How do you drown a blond? Keep her head underwater until her lungs fill with water and her bodily functions stop working.

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If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around, does anyone really care?

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what is long and bare? polonaise to the pediatric ward what is short and bald? same polonaise, 3 weeks later

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How do 5 gay teenagers walk? In 'One Direction"

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what do you call a blond who likes human flesh a cannibal

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roses are brown, violets are brown, who the hell sh** on my garden?

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They took away privileges that she normally would have had had she not misbehaved.

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i jack off in the school bathroom #yolo -toby limbers

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is blind and death, making her oblivious of her surroundings and would be a danger to fellow commuters. -mac

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Why did the autopilot of a plane malfunction even though the pilots had engaged the switch? The pilots had taken manual control. I lied about the switch.

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A donkey walks into a supermarket and asks the cashier "Where are the potatoes?" The cashier replies "aisle 3" The donkey goes to aisle 3 And there are no potatoes

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Q: why id the bird fly away from the boy? A: cuz he was scared

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What is a black guy's favorite hobby? Stamp collecting.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a B**ch.

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Knock Knock It's the police, im afraid your wife has been killed in a horrible car accident.

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Mitt Romney penis

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How do you get a baby in a blender? Feet first so you can see the expression on it's face. How do you get it out ? Nacho chips!

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What's heavy, black, and when hanging by a rope from a tree, makes white people happy? A tire, in any white football player's backyard.

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Whats not green and cant pee? Not a pea!

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what do you call anybody eating at mcdohnalds? hungry, diabetic people

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Knock knock Who's there? You're adopted.

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Q: Why didn't the boy go to school? A: It was the weekend.

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Your time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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