What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names

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E= McVagina

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What did the retard say to the other retard? *(incoherent gibberish)*

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How do you get McFly into a Mini? McFly are a four member band and a mini has four seats so it's actually quite straightforward.

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Q:how man ADD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: I dont know, wanna go ride bikes?

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why do all good things come to an end? that is one of the mysteries of human existance.

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Whats worse than finding out that your family is dead? finding a worm in your apple

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Why doesn't Rosa Parks eat bacon? Because she's dead.

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Dylan Hodge fingered himself. Hah.

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a bald man walks into a hairdressers and demands beans on toast.

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Why did the man Iorn his face? Because he felt like it.

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A man walks up to a woman in a bar. They hit it off. That night they make wild sex and fall madly in love with each other. They start dating, it's so fantastic. They understand each other on almost every emotional and intellectual level. They have the same humor and they love spending time together. The sex is so great. After a few years, they get married, and they start the rest of their lives together. They have 2 beautiful children and their lives are blossoming. Fast forward 30 years. They are both retired old people, yet still madly in love. They live in their old home, and their lives are very comfortable. Their children have grown up into adults, and are very happy. Fast forward another 10 years, and they now live in an elderly home. They are both in wheelchairs and their health is slowly deteriorating. They die.

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What do you call a cow climbing a tree? Amazing. How many cows have you seen climbing trees?

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A legless and armless woman is laying on the beach. A man walks by and hears her crying. "What's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been kissed before" says the woman. So the man leans down and kisses her. The next day the man sees the woman crying at the beach again. "What's wrong this time?" asks the man. "I've never been hugged before" So the man picks up the legless and armless woman and gives her a big hug. The next day the man sees the woman still on the beach crying. "Okay now what's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been f---ked before" says the woman. So the man picks up the woman, and has sex with her. They end up going on several dates later on and getting married at sunset on the very beach where they met.

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What's the difference between a live baby and a dead baby? A dead baby doesn't cry.

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How did the blind man watch T.V? With the captions on.

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Yo mama so fat... Her doctor told her she's morbidly obese and she has 2 years to live if she doesn't change her eating habits and exercise regularily.

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Two men walk into a bar... ..I didn't say what type of bar...

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What do you call 200 black people dead in the ocean? It's a start.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken was a metaphor.

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what do mexicans like most. icecubes

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Chuck Norris is an average human being!

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Why did Billy drop his ice cream cone? Because he was hit by a truck.

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Q:How many babies does it take to paint a room? A:It depends how hard you throw them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops