What's worse than five babies in one trash can? One baby in five trash cans.

What do you get when you put the head of a lion on the body of an eagle?2 dead animals and a fine for killing protected species.

What did the man do when he was tired Nothing he went to bed

Why did the teenager cross the road? To get an abortion.

What did the cat say when you rub it's stomach? Nothing because felines don't have the needed vocal organs to speak, and probaly wouldn't know english do to the size of there brain.

what do u call a black person by his name

Why did the dog stop barking. It was given a good reason to.

A man opens his sock drawer, grabs his socks and puts them on.........He dies 5 minutes later.

Why did the man run? Because he was trying to get a gold medal for the 200m at the Olympics.

Q-What do you call kids who go to school? A- Students.

How do you stop a second date from happenin? You force a dead mouse in your date's vagina.

What is black and white and red all over? a nun that got raped.

you know what they say about men with big feet... damn you got some big feet.

There are too many 20 year olds getting pregnant. Teenage pregnancy is ruining our society!

Why did the plane crash? Why? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Nobody actually knows this because the chicken could not tell us why he/she crossed the road so it would be nearly impossible to get the answer.

where did sally go after the bombing? everywhere.

Okay, So a Cow, a Lumberjack and a Fireman walk into a bar. The cow asks the bartender, "What kind of milk do you have?" The bartender looks confused and asks," Why would a cow want milk?" The cow replies,"I've been producing milk all my life and I've never had a chance to try it. I'd just like some milk." The bartender replies,"Okay we have whole milk, 2%, and skim milk. What'll you have?" The cow says,"Whole milk, I want the whole deal." The bartender obliges. Next the Lumberjack comes up to the bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The lumberjack asks for some syrup. The bartender inquiries,"What kind of syrup would you like?" The lumberjack answers,"Pure Maple, imitation, or chocolate. All work for me." The bartender turns and pours a shot of pure maple syrup and turns away. Finally the fireman walks up the the bartender and says, "Can I have a glass of water?" The bartender turn and ask inquisitively,"Why?" The fireman quickly replies,"TO PUT OUT THE FIRE!"...

Why didn't the little boy believe in Santa Clause? Because' he saw his parents putting presents under the tree, and saw his over weight father eat all the cookies.

Pff, "Axel", you are a fucking amateur, I can convey your fucking message in two lines, and one and a half of those lines would be fucking swearing and insults. I am done with the fucking underground society, it used to be a great place for people to discuss real world matters rather than be blinded by the fucking lies of the media, and yes religion, if you ever worked for me, you know that the fucking bible is a textbook example of every goddamn brain washing technique there is. But if you where ever my allumni, id expect you to use those methods sparringly and only when neccesary. No wonder people consider you a fucking cultist, you use your fucking methods as smoke and mirrors rather than letting "your people" know, and teach them that you just use a bunch of verbal tricks. Mental-ism is not magic, and neither should it be implied to be part of the surreal, while I respect your ideology, you have misused it to acquire power and wealth from those you claim to protect, and while you do convey some good ideals, you are far too arrogant and ignorant for the role you have given yourself. Besides, even if you could protect "your people" as you claim you can, who the fuck is supposed to protect the rest from them?! That is some hard core methods you are abusing "Axel", and you know it, if you claim to be anti religion, then stop using the very same methods they do without teaching people how the methods work first! Moral: Never underestimate me, I enjoy behaving like a jackass, but it does not mean that I am one, as for you, you are a jackass which likes behaving like someone worthy of respect. I am still at the fucking hospital, so if you want some guidelines, speak here, and if you cant send me your contact information so we can chat on a proper phone, I will only have to assume that you are either a coward for not revealing your location to an obviously superior man ...Or... ...that... ...you... Are a fucking coward little bitch that simply keeps on hiding behind the people he claims to protect and shield! Start by admitting that I am far beyond your puny knowledge, and I might throw in a few lines of assistance. Moral 2: You are fucking using horse head network as we speak! I use it for bullshit and "iron manning", you shame the remains of the underground society for using it as means of "encoded messages" and at all!

What is the biggest fictional book ever made? Either the Bible, or the Dictionary.

Guns don't kill people. Dangerous minorities do.

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names! *ba dum chzz*

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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