A black man walks up to the cashier with twenty buckets of KFC and seventeen gallons of grape Kool - Aid. The cashier says, "Do you want a bag for those?"

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How did the Jew his German neighbor? Every morning the Jew says hello and the German replys hello

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Two fish were in a tank one said...."ill drive!"

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Why was there a black guy in the back of a police car? He was caught stealing

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What did the Priest say to the Rabbi? Nothing. The Priest was mute and the Rabbi was deaf.

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Proof reading

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What's blue and pillowy? A blue pillow

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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If she's old enough to count, she's probably in second grade.

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What do the words lightbulb and lightweight have in common? The word light is in both words. Other than that absolutely nothing.

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Your mother is SO wealthy, that she should help stop the poor children in Africa from starving by donating some spare change to the Let's-Help-Stop-The-Poor-Little-African-Children-From-Starving donation center. -not a real place!!!!!

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Why did the samurai commit Sepuku? Because it is an honorable Japanese tradition.

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knock knock come in

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roses are red violets are blue oranges are......

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THAT MAN EATS TOO MUCH. therefore he is overweight.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because Osama Bin Laden is dead.

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What has 7 mouths 3 eyes and 5 noses Something very ugly

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Why does the groom wear a black tux? Because he knows a funeral when he sees one.

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Why did the train crash? Because the conductor was a cucumber.

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Q: Why didn't the mexican get into the bathtub? A: He was already clean

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Hear the one about the deaf guy? Neither has he.

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A black man named Lawrence was driving a car that wasn't his at 3 a.m. The car belonged to a drunk friend who asked Lawrence to be the designated driver.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? How did the chicken get out of the henhouse?

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Me-Whats long and hard and full of seaman Him-a submarine Me-No dumb ass a dick

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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