how do you starve a man who is on welfare? hide his food stamps under his work boots.

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You: Mike and Steve were playing chess, who won? Them: Mike You: no, it was steve

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"Have you ever seen a blacksmith?" "No." "Me neither."

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Bob and his family were looking forward to going to an all inclusive holiday to Spain. When they got on the plane, a bomb went off, causing Bob to realise that he was never going to see his family again, and that they were about to suffer a horrific, painful death.

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GONNA

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See now that is confident and down to earth, reasonable, and all the etc etc`s, so what would you like me to fill them in with? Joking aside, you are smart, funny, you take a beating (sorry that`s today`s new low point, I have never hit a woman and never will, sure I punched down the GigaLesb when she lifted me up and my spine started making cracking noises, but that does not technically count as a woman). You are sweet, you are cute, you are funny, you are hot hot hot (hattrick see?), and yeah yeah if you want me to prove to people here that we know each other, sure, I met you once like 15 years ago? You kinda adored me, I could not take my eyes of yours (oh yeah, you got adorable eyes sure), and... You got huge breasts (Tits are more like those hanging you know what I mean) Sigh sometimes a boy wonders what he is doing with his life, he falls for the strangest girls... ...AND THEN SAID BOY FINDS HIMSELF BROKEN IN TWINE BY ME!

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Hey I just met you And I am crazy So I will kill you And eat your body

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How do you get 2000 people to go to heaven? Blow up a school.

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What is worse than something terrible happening to you? That same thing happening to me of course... Duh...

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Why did the cat fall out of the tree? Cause the branch broke. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? Cause it was stapled to the cat.

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Q: Why can't dinosaurs talk? A: Because they are all dead.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts.

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Hey, why are asians yellow and africans brown? I'm colorblind.

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Yo mamma's so old... oh way no she's dead

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What did the engineer say to the supervisor? Hi.

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What's more funny than a dead baby? A dead baby dressed like a clown.

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What do you call a pack of black people. Nothing you racist -_-

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Samantha

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Knock knock Come in No you supposed to say who's there Oh, who's there? Jennifer Come in No, you supposed to say Jennifer who Oh, Jennifer who? Forget it

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Robin, get in the batmobile.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? A Boy Scout comes home from camp.

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How do u get a baby to stop choking? Take ur c*ck out if its mouth!!!

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What is brown and sticky? A stick.

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Q: Why did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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