Why was the 45 year old man crying? He shit his pants.

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What did the veterinarian say to the dog? Ohhh who is a good dog? You are!

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What white and black and red all over? The wife who refused to report that her husband abused her.

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What do you call a dancing panda bear? I'm not sure, but panda bears are pretty big, so the possibility of them dancing is highly unlikely.

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A Chinese man, an American man, and a Mexican man are sitting in an airplane. When the flight attendant comes by with food, the Chinese and American both opt for pretzels, while the Mexican prefers crackers and makes his selection accordingly. The three sit back and enjoy their snacks separately.

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Why was seven afraid of eight? Because eight nine ten.

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Why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window? After hours of searching for the snooze button to no avail, the little boy became so irritated at the incessant ringing of the alarm that he threw it out of his window in a fit of rage. The clock landed on an old woman who was walking twenty stories below. She was immediately killed on impact.

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I like hats XD!

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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What's the difference between a murcielago and a dead baby ? I don't have a dead baby in my garage. 8-)

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so a mom is like so what you want hunny and the dad goes like you baby bahahahahaa get it?

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whose better then Sarah, Georgia and ellie NO ONE!!!!

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What did the boy say to the ghost wearing a banana outfit? Holy crap! A ghost!

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What did James say when he couldn't find his car? "My name's James".

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why did the one handed man cross the road? to get to the secondhand shop.

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Knock Knock!! Who's There? No one, your being ding dong ditched!

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IM SEXY AND I KNOW IT Chrysanthemums are pretty but toads and people are damn to horny

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Stranger: Greetings. House-owner: No, you were supposed to say, "Knock, Knock". Stranger: Fine. Knock, knock... House-owner: Nobody's home. Stranger: These quirks are really getting on my nerve. Silly antics only serve to frustrate me. Oh, the irony!

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Why didn't the man finish his dinner? His dinner was a wheelchair.

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Whats fuzzy and greenand if it falls from a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

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"We have such clean water we drink and do a lot of other stuff with it" The American said. "What other stuff do you do with your clean water" The African Child said. "Well we take showers in and we go to bathroom with it" The American said. "So let me get this straight you even take a Shit in it to" The African Child said.

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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A Mime travels to Africa for a vacation. He meets a Zebra in his travels and the Zebra says "Hey we both are wearing black and white stripes!" The Mime did not understand the Zebra because he cannot talk his language so he continues on with his vacation.

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When a suicide-bomber when to heaven what did Allah give him apart from 72 virgins? 72 mothers in law.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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