Why did the house burn down? Because I set it on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

One day Satan, approached his dad and said: DADDY I love you so much, I want to be just like you! That story did not end up so well did it?

thumb_up thumb_down +36

colby doesnt shave

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Heat oven to 375°. Grease 18 regular-size muffin cups (or 12 large size muffins). In bowl, mix butter until creamy. ... Add eggs one at a time, beating after each. Beat in vanilla, baking powder and salt. With spoon, fold in half of flour then half of milk into batter; repeat. Fold in blueberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Three women are on an airplane. One's a blonde, one's a redhead, and one's a brunette. Unfortunately, the plane was going to crash and there was nothing they could do but jump out and parachute to safety. So the captain said to each of the three ladies, "You can only take one of your possessions when you parachute out of the plane." The blonde says "I will take my watch becau--" But before she could finish her sentence the plane exploded because the flames on the wing had ignited the fuel tank. No one survived.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Q: What did the man say before he was stabbed? A: "What are you gonna do, stab me?"

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What happens when you murder someone? The Government murders you.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's worse than seeing your goldfish die? Watching your grandfather have a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Knock Knock Whos there? Jonny Jonny who? Jonny tsunami, hope you can swim Japan

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why doesn't Michael J. Fox drive a stick shift? He was raised in an urban area and was only taught to maneuver with vehicles that shifted automatically.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Teacher: Billy what do you want to be when you grow up? Billy: A fireman! Teacher: Tommy what do you want to be when you grow up? Tommy: 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the baby die? Abortion

thumb_up thumb_down +32

what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Silly Sally Dillydallied then lost her job to outsourcing.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why wasn't there a rainbow? It didn't rain.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

roses are red i have a phone nobody texts me forever alonee lol

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the farmer say when he didn't like his tractor? Man, i don't like this tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did Taylor say to the other Taylor? Hi, my name is Taylor

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why was the white guy eating himself? He was a autocannibal.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Who can make 50 iPads in 1 hour? An Asian

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What happened to the guy who got bullied? He commited suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A hipster gets summoned for jury duty. The case is solved promptly and everyone goes home happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops