Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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A fish finds that his fishbowl is on fire. He escapes the bowl only to realize he is equally screwed.

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Bill: My brother died on 9/11 Steve: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Was he in one of the towers? Bill: Both. Steve: Both? Bill: He was in one tower when the first plane hit, so he ran over to warn everybody in the other tower and while he was in the other tower, he died of AIDS. Steve: LOL Bill: Quit your laughing, Steve, and make sweet, sweet love to me! Steve: It would be my pleasure! (While Bill and Steve made sweet, sweet love on that park bench, little did they know that a hundred miles away in a beautiful Los Angeles home, actor Jeff Goldblum was making himself a turkey sandwich...not too much mayo...just the way he likes it.)

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What did the person do at the stop sign? Stop

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What's black and twelve inches long? A Maglite.

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What is green and has weels? A green bycicle.

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Violets are red. Roses are blue. I am drunk, and i'm about to spew.

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Q: Where does a hooker go for her footlong? A: Subway

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What did one prisoner on death row say to the other? Can you please clean off the seat when you're done? I'd like to die in my own urine.

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Roses are red Violets are blue If you came 'cause GameGrumps Fuck you.

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It's a man's 100th birthday, and as one of his last wishes he wants to go skydiving. Unfortunately, due to his crippling arthritis, he was unable to pull the rip cord on his parachute and plummeted to his death.

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What isn't funny? The holacost.

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what happens when a Texan see's a black guy? he says howdy

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What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

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What do you call a penis without hair? Apple sause

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Roses are red-ish Violets are blue-ish If it weren't for Jesus we'd all be jewish

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why'd the baby cross the road it was stapled to the chicken

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What's the difference between dogs and humans? 8.

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Want to hear a cat joke? Just kitten.

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Why did the coconut fall out of the tree? Gravity.

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How did you feel after smoking that joint? I felt like going to pass out And then? I passed out

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What did John the accountant do when he saw a flying dog, He woke up from a wonderful dream and started his day

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want a balloon? yeah

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Why do guys like Halloween? Martin Luther posted the 95 theses in 1517 on this day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops