What's the difference between a cup of tea and a polar bear? A polar bear is a bear whilst a cup of tea is a beverage

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is worst than a worm in your apple, the holocaust and everything else? Finding me in your bed (or your mother screaming "help please, no wait its too good I will endure the pain") Rather than Santa`s presents for X-mas. Your friendly Neighborhood and Future ONE AND ONLY EMPEROR R*pist Moral Man:: X-mas is a great way of putting it, after all it is your kind that X-ed Christ... ...As for your mother/sister/Infant/ screaming... Don`t worry, I will come for you too when I am done, it might take a while to violate someone to death though so be patient, because you might end up as a patient... Hahahaha! If you are really FUCKlNG LUCKY!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why Was Did Jill Cross The Road? She Needed To Get To Work.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock knock Who's there? You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Yo mama is so fat, she eats three times the normal amount of calories one should eat in a single day. This resulted in her early demise, to which you mourned for numerous months before accepting the fact that she was gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Two muffins are baking in an oven. The muffins do not talk or move, because they not living.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Tom has 24 cupcakes Tom then ate 24 cupcakes what does Tom have? Diabetes Tom got diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Wanna know something fishy? A fish

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If you're happy and you know it - put your hands in the air i have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's the difference between a turtle and a horse? The horse has no shell.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q:What did the furry say to the other? A: Probably nothing, cant be easy speaking with a dick in your mouth...

thumb_up thumb_down +15

OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!" She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle."

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the penguin die? due to an increase in the quantity of greenhouse gases that are being released into the atmosphere, global warming is on the rise. So the penguin died because his home melted.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the blonde say when she tripped down the stairs? Nothing she was unconscious and had a serious concussion.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A fish and a human had a conversation. The conversation was not interesting because fish can't speak and the human felt awkward.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's black and looks like Burnt Popcorn? A black man

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q: what is long hard and full of seamen A: a submarine

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Stephen Walking.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How did the guy feel after his wife died? Pretty shitty, I'd imagine..

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why could the boy not stop shaking? He has Parkinsons Syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats black and white and red all over? A multicultural parade where they all are wearing red clothes.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q. what did the gay man say about the smoothie? A. he said "that is soooo good"

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red Violets are blue I rather sleep in the class Like a boss in the school -HairyBoss

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops