How many hearts does a jellyfish have? None.

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HEY YOU!!! just checking for assholes

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How did Darth Vader make the little black boy's day? "I am your father"*heavy breath, heavy breath*

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whats purple and savage? Barney!

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What is black, white, and red all over? A person who has black, white, and red paint on his or her body.

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"You know what my motto in life is?" "No" "Oh, that's a shame."

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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Son: Dad what does it mean to f***? Dad: Jimmy! don't use that kind of language.. use the word chainsaw instead. Son: Ok, well what does it mean to chainsaw? Dad: Well as you know, God created people, he started with Adam and eve and then he- Son: You keep referring to god as a he, are you suggesting that God has a penis? I guess that would explain the big bang theory... right? get it? Dad: ... Go chainsaw yourself, Jimmy.

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roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Q: why do the Toronto maple leafs suck? A: they dont they r in seventh place biotch!

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knock knock!! kanye west

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What did one duck say to the other duck? Nothing, ducks cannot talk.

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why did the man jump off the building? to commit suicide.

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Your friend is so retarded I am getting a bit worried and his mother should take him to get tested for mental retardation.

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Roses are red, Violets are purple

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Why did the clown fall off the swing? Because he was dead.

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What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

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I like apples. So does Mr. Johnson from the local fruit stand.

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Women's rights.

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Know what's worse than three bee stings? living every day in fear of your schizophrenic hallucinations

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Womens Rights.

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Yo mama's so fat that she should probably go on a diet to avoid the risk of getting a cardiovascular disese.

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I thought I was a bird and I could fly Gravity painfully reminded me I was only a human

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What do Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder have in common? They're both well known figures who have inspired many.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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