american government

thumb_up thumb_down -7

When Michael Jackson was making his last son, he named him Blanket... he was cold.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: Why did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -7

The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock knock who's there?... a stupid punchline because the door is imaginary and I am just wasting your time telling a knock knock joke

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How to you kill two birds with one stone? You use a precision hunting rifle to mortally wound two flying birds, then put them on a platform and break their skulls with one rock. Separately.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Lisa’ house needed to be painted and her brother offered to do it for her. Lisa thought it was a nice gesture and told him that she wanted the house in antique white. However; after painting the house, Lisa noticed that her brother had used a color with a dark yellow tone. ”Are you sure this is Antique white?” she asked him. ”Offcourse!” he said. Afraid of hurting his feelings, Lisa didn’t dare to say anything. Ten years later, the house needed to be painted again. This time Lisa wanted to hire a professional painter, but her brother insisted on doing for her. He brought the paint, which Lisa recognized as the same yellow paint, with a color that Lisa had really begun to hate. ”Brother, are you sure this is antique white?” she asked, forcing a seriousness in her voice. ”Offcourse!” he answered, and Lisa was still too embarressed to object. Her brother didn’t have an easy life and she didn’t want to break his confidence. So the house was painted, same as before. Lisa did however notice a strange light in her brothers eyes. Another ten years passed, and the house needed to be painted a third time. This time however Lisa had had enough. Though it was her brother, she had become increasingly ashamed of her house had even stopped having guests over. With a deep breath she picked up the phone and called up her brother, ready to confront him. A woman answered; it was his wife. She could hardly speak because of her sobbing. Unfortunately Lisa’s brother had been killed in a car accident earlier that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Your mother is so unintelligent that her IQ score is equal to or lower than 2 standard deviations below the national average of 100 on the Mensa approved intelligence test that has been properly administered and supervised.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock knock, Come in...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the cop do when he saw two Mexicans buying coke? Warned them of the health risks of drinking carbonated soft drinks.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why do you care?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

YOLO.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Two blonds are driving to Disneyland. While there driving they see a sign "Disneyland: left" So they started crying and headed back home.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Someone asked me yesterday why my friend Portier is named after a sports car... I mean, fair enough, it is a common misconception but they live in the country and her Dad drives a tractor; think it through. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down -9

do you wanna hear a joke cutsforbieber#

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Two aspies don't walk into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why couldn't the old man read the street sign? Because there were no words. Just an arrow designating a trun up ahead.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

how many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb just 2 but it beats me how they got in there

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's the difference between a cake and Jews? A cake comes out of the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Have you heard the joke that they don't tell retarded people? You haven't? Well then alright let me tell you because it's actually quite amusing.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's worse than dropping your ice cream cone? Man's inhumanity to man.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Schroedingers cat walked into a bar... and it didnt.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Mary had a little lamb... that's what she gets for having intercourse with the farm animals.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops