What's green and gets people high? A green helicopter

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Silly Sally Dillydallied then lost her job to outsourcing.

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A Muslim boards a plane with his three sons. Everything goes well, because most on the plane are racially tolerant.

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I TOOK A STEAMING SHIT ON YOUR MOM

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "I should've voted Democrat!"

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Your mama so fat she is physically larger than other people.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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5

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What do you call a guy being followed by about 30 others with high powered rifles? A military general serving for his country.

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Why do seagulls fly over seas? Because if they flew over bays they'd be called bagels.

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Alcatraz is reopened only for Kevin's ma

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A man walks into a bar. He then meets some friends and has a rather enjoyable night.

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Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a ferrari? A: The dead baby was once alive, while the ferrari couldn't possibly have lived since it's a car and cars are inanimate objects.

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what do you call a black pilot? A) a pilot

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Your mom is so fat, that it causes great concern for her family.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a water because he's the designated driver

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How do you do you cure cancer? Very carefully.

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Q: how many oxen does it take to row up the empire state building in half of a green canoe under the purple sun while eating a dead moose with no arms? A: Purple, because snakes have no elbows.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

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What did the man say halfway through his sponsored trek across the Sahara desert? Well this was a dumb idea

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says why the long face. The horse, unable to understand English shits on the floor and leaves

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How do you make time fly? You throw a clock off a building

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Why did the man climb the mountain? Because he lacked excitement in his life.

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So I was eating pancakes in my driveway...or were they waffles?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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