A caterpillar walks into a bar. I don't know how he opened the door.

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A blonde woman walked into a bar. She ordered a scotch.

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An elephant walks into a bar..what the hell

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Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says, "Boy it's hot in here." The second says, "It sure is." Both muffins then faint from heat exhaustion and are eaten to death when taken out of the oven And thus tragically, the world would never know of the spectacular talking muffins.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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what's 2 + 2? i don't know that's why i'm asking you

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What causes floods? Too much water.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have clamidia Because Polly shat on me.

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How do you get 1000 pokemon on to a bus? Pikachu!

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How many carrots can you fit in a truck Depends who's driving

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Whats big brown and sticky A sappy oak tree

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A man walked into a Persian dentist office. After a few hours he leaves the office with his mouth feeling much better because the oral-surgery went exeptionally well.

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HaHaHaHa... Was the last joke funny? Ya, well this ones not.

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Q: Do you know what Lady Gaga make for his birthday? A: A party

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What time is it? I believe it's half past 10, sir. Damn, I'm late for a meeting. May I ask, what time are you supposed to be there? 11 O'clock Why sir you have half an hour left. No shiitt, sherlock

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What's a skateboard without wheels A snowboard

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A woman walks out of the kitchen, she gets slapped by her sexist husband.

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Why did the train crash? Because the conductor was a cucumber.

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whats your name? bumder:)

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What do u call a guy makin dinner? Gay.

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Dani barton= lovely

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Yo mama's so fat that she should probably go on a diet to avoid the risk of getting a cardiovascular disese.

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When is a door not a door? Never. a door is always a door. it cannot be anything else.

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Guess what my grandma told me yesterday.. Nothing she's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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