A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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What do you call a Chinese man flying plane? A pilot.

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Phillip has 200 pieces of candy, Phillip eats 185 pieces of that candy, what does Phillip have left? Diabetes, Phillip has diabetes.

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Why didn't the hungry woman get up and make herself some food? She has Lou Gehrig disease and any movement she makes results in excruciating pain.

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What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

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What's black and blue and red all over Sex

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What is it called when your friend tells you that Justin Beiber was laid? Lying.

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ObamaCare

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What did the deaf, dumb, blind, parapalegic kid get for Christmas? Cancer

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Whats big, purple and hairy. Has 4 eyes and 2 brains? Nothing.

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shall i compare thee to a summers day, no, because thee are ugly, yay

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What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

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what's worse than getting an unwarranted parking ticket? Serving a life sentence for killing the meter man.

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What came first: the chicken or the egg? God.

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Why did Jim fall out of the tree? Because Jim is a leaf.

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Why did the red head never have a boyfriend? She was a lesbian and had always preferred women over men

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Why did Billy start crying? Becuase he's fat and stupid and noboy loves him

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What did Steegers say when he lost his TARDIS? "The niggers stole it again!"

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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Gues what makes me smile Mouth muscles

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Why did the Blonde say something stupid? Because she is stupid

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How many Puerto Ricans does it take to clog the treads of my tank? Eight

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What is the priest favorite book? The Bible

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The prefix "con" means bad. The prefix "pro" means good. So what is the opposite of progress? Regress.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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