Q. Why did the middle-aged man need glasses? A. The man's father had poor eyesight and therefore could not see well without the help of glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Yo mama's house is so small that she had to get a better job in order to buy a bigger one.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

if life gives you lemonnde your probally halusinating

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why do seagulls fly over seas? Because if they flew over bays they'd be called bagels.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

there's 4 men, a rabbi, a priest, a monk, and a captain. they all go on the captain's ship for a cruise with a couple hundred people. this was during the cold war, and the ship was mistaken for a war ship, and the russians missled it. the monk says: "we have to get everyone off the ship!" the rabbit say: "NO! the women and children need to get off first! And we should also hail to Satan!" the Captain says: "OMG! It's a talking Rabbit!" the priest then stops the rabbit to death!" the rabbi says: "The rabbit is right! But just the children!" The Captain says: "Screw the children! this ship is going to Hell, we have talking animals saying we should worship the devil!" the priest says: "Do you think we have time" the monk, the rabbi, and the captain stare and beat him to death.... "Well, he was already going to Hell" the Monk says. But during this entire time the ship has been sinking and another missle blows up the ship. Everyone dies, except for Sean Conery...and Chuck Norris.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's brown and green and if it falls out of a tree on top of you, it will kill you? A pool table

thumb_up thumb_down +25

a horse walks into a bar the bartender says"what can i get for you Sarah Jessica Parker"

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the chicken cross the road? he wanted to.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the man climb the mountain? Because he lacked excitement in his life.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

-Knock knock! -Who's there? -A kazoo. -A kazoo who? -A small, simple musical instrument consisting of a hollow pipe with a hole in it, over which is a thin covering that vibrates and produces a buzzing sound when the player sings or hums into the pipe.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

There are four worms walking in a straight line. The first worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me!" The second worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The third worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" The fourth worm says, "Hey, there's a worm walking behind me, too!" How can this be? ...the fourth worm lied!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the man say halfway through his sponsored trek across the Sahara desert? Well this was a dumb idea

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did Helen Keller name her dog? Well i would imagine one of various names for a domesticated animal and she would choose the name based on her likes towards nature or an element of nature, being the educated individual she i would think she may name it base on a person of importance, such as an author or maybe a writer that inspires her.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How do you kill a 6'5 black man in a dark alley? Stab him 3 times in the appendix with a 12 inch blade.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why couldn't the 1 year old talk? It's a 1 year old, idiot, it can't!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Knock Knock! Oh god Johnny, someones at the door! Hide the heroin and bail man, BAIL!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Question: What did one lesbian say to the other lesbian at the grocery store? Answer: Will that be paper or plastic?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven. Ha ha ha ha

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Welcome To Facebook

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the man say when he lost all his hair? Man: My life has been getting worse and worse ever since I developed cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A: Knock Knock! B: No ones home.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's Funnier than this joke? Lee Evans

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because it was stuck in its coop on the farm. Also, chickens aren't sentient, so they can't reason the same way we do.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops